Life's Good!

Dad's Pregnant Too

2011-10-05T20:22:00.000-07:00

Borrowed this book from the library for Hubby to read. Perfect for preparing him for this exciting journey. The book is cleverly put together including personal experience of expectant fathers. The constant message is for men to try to better understand what we are going through and useful tips are given for survival during this period. I read the book myself and found it quite funny. Highly recommended!

There's also a website just for dads http://www.dadspregnant.com/

It's A BFP!

2011-10-02T22:21:00.000-07:00

This morning went for my 2nd Beta Blood test. The nurse called early at around 11am with the results. It's a definite BFP! HCG levels raised to 502mIU/mL from last Friday of 182mIU/mL. A home pregnancy test(HPT)can pick out 25mIU/mL.

Jerome congratulated me for being pregnant and I congratulated him for being pregnant too. Just borrowed a guide book "Dad's Pregnant Too" from the library on Sat just for him- a funny survival guide book just right for him. :)

So I'm now 4 weeks & 6 days pregnant based on the Egg retrieval (ER) date. The baby or rather the fetus is still microscopic. By week 5, it will grow into a small raisin. How amazing to imagine that this is taking place right now in my tummy!

My 1st scan to look at the baby will be on 21st Oct. By then, we should be able to hear the heartbeat & see the little fellow. 21st Oct seems such a long time away!

Stay Positive!!!

2011-09-30T05:24:00.000-07:00

When i went for the pregnancy blood test this morning, i told the nurse to call my hubby regarding the results. Told her jokingly that i can't take the excitement. Before the test. Hubby and I already had a good talk. Regardless of results, we'll stay positive. If we fail this 1st round of IVF, we'll go book ourselves a nice holiday for Dec hols to celebrate our anniversary. So when we got home, I read the papers and began looking at the tour packages- my consolation prize.

At 3pm, the call finally came. Hubby talked to her in the study while I lazed on the couch, dunno what to expect. Finally, hubby put down the phone and came running out, exclaiming, "I'm going to be a father." The HCG level is 182! IT's a BFP!!! We were crying and hugging each other. It's too good to be true!

However, there's a need to repeat the blood test on Monday to check that the HCG level is rising.so I guess that's when they can really confirm the pregnancy. So guess, another round of waiting & anticipation...

But for now, I can say I'm pregnant! Gonna tok to my babies now :)

IVF#1 @2WW

2011-09-22T02:13:00.000-07:00

Now at home on the couch with 2 feet up. A fren's advice after she had successfully conceived her beautiful daughter after her 1st IVF cycle was to bed/couch rest during this 2weeks. Had finished watching an entire Korean period drama series, surfed the net, joined an on-line forum for IVF support group, read half a book, enjoying life (while hubby's cooking & cleaning the house) or rather feeling bored... Hence decided that I shall blog about my TTC & IVF journey so far.

2010- Seen Dr K Loi at Kk who precribed 6 cycles of clomid.
Did HSG and clear test. Hubby also cleared sperm test.
Feb 2011-Seen Dr Sadana who prescribed Letrozole.
Decided to go for IVF.
17 June 2011- first appointment to see Dr Loh at KK clinic D.
1st ultrasound found that I had small ovaries and ovarian reserves could be low. Relieved and depressed at the same time that Dr was finally able to find a problem. But does this problem arise from all the ovulation drugs that I've taken before? The 2 previous drs did ultrasounds for me too but never report any abnormalities. But felt that I'm now in good hands. We were referred to ivf clinic & booked our ivf counseling session for July. Next appointment to see is right before the counseling session.
23 June- Blood test for AMH, FSH, LH, E2 & Prolactin
27 July- 2nd appointment to see Dr Loh at Clinic D.
He reviewed results of the blood test and said it's okay to proceed with IVF for next AF cycle.
Hubby & I took blood tests for HIV, Hep. B, VDRL, Rubella & Hep C
After lunch, we returned to IVF centre to officially register for IVF, briefed by the nurse about the costs involved (9-11k before subsidy), then briefed by a Dr about the entire IVF procedure. I've got a prescription for Microgynon tablet- a contraceptive pill meant to regulate my AF.
That day, parking fees at Kk is over $10. Imagine the number of hours we spent there. A long day at Kk.

Aug -Sept 2011: IVF

Stage 1: On OCP before suppression of body's natural release of hormones
Aug 3- D1-AF reports- calls KKIVF
Aug 4- D2- starts Oral Contraceptive pills Microgynon x 21 days
Aug 18- D16- starts daily Lucrin injection
Aug 28- AF reports again and cleared up just in time for...
Sept 1- Baseline Ultrasound and blood test.

Stage 2- Stimulation of the ovaries to produce follicles containing the eggs
Sept 2- starts daily puregon pen injection (200iu). Continues with Lucrin injections.
Sept 9- 1st ultrasound to check size of follicles. Dr reviewed and got another dosage for 2 puregon injections.
Sept 10- 2nd scan to check follicle size.

Stage 3: Maturation of eggs(oocyctes) recovery.
Sept 11- 8.30pm Pregnyl injection at KK 24hrs O&G.Stop Lucrin & puregon injection.

Stage 4: Egg retrieval and fertilization
Sept 13- Egg Retrieval under GA while hubby collected sperm sample.
Woke up before the entire procedure was over and could feel prodding and pain.
Retrieved 18 eggs which I thought was a good number. Recovered pretty quickly post ER and had Macdonalds for lunch. For the 1st time, I had hot Milo to go with my meal.
Felt bloated and could see obvious bulge at tummy. Manageable cramps.

Stage 5: Embryos Transfer
Sept 15- blood test to check for risk of OHSS.
2 embryos were transferred back while hubby was in room watching. A pretty amazing moment. A photograph of the embryos transferred was given. The 2 little ones that I hope are growing well within me now.

Pregnancy support- 2 tablets of utrogestan(100mg) insertion 3 times daily.
Sept 21- Blood test for progesterone levels.

Sept 30- Blood test BHCG to test for pregnancy.

After all the visits to the Drs, Kk, medication, jabs, blood tests & scans, cant believe how time flies. So now, I'm just playing the waiting game and keeping my fingers and toes crossed like so many others.

Thanks for sharing!

2011-09-21T04:36:00.000-07:00

A reader shared her IVF experience at this timely moment. Thank you for the encouragement! The following is what she shared:

I think I came here through your recipe blog. Just wanted to say that I have a 6y.o and twins..one boy and on girl 2.5y.o who wer all conceived through IVF.

The thing is conceiving through IVf gives you the same chance as someone conceiving naturally...basically 1 in 4 chance. Even naturally, you don't expect to get pg in your first attempt.

I have lost count of how many fresh and frozen cycles I endured. It was disappointment after disappointment but I knew it was just a numbers game.

But I hope you will be successful on your first attempt!

for me

ttc #1 IVF bfn, FET, bfn, IVF bfp (3 attempts and totaly of 6 embryos tfx and 1 implanted)

ttc#2 can't remember how many IVFs and FETs but eventually we manage to conceive twins through a fresh IVF cycle.

1st Cycle of IVF

2011-08-11T15:49:00.000-07:00

Just an update- I've started on my 1st cycle of IVF. Wish me all the best :)

The irony of it is that I have to start with a cycle of contraceptive pills first...

Do You Remember Me?

2011-07-11T22:29:00.000-07:00

I'm now back teaching in school for the past 3 weeks. And "Do you remember me?" is the question that I'm been asked almost everyday in school. Ex-pupils will come up to me, greet me and ask me this question. I remember most of them. But sometimes, I look at their faces and I really can't remember who they are but obviously they remember me.

Just yesterday, a P6 girl came up to me and asked me the same question. I looked at her and her name tag but I honestly don't remember having taught her. She explained that I had once read a story to her in the school library when she was in P2, that was 4 years back. I almost asked her which story. Silly me :P

I'd like to think I've indeed made a difference and that's why they remember me. I like it when children sees me, waves to me and calls me. I do remember my days back in school when I will purposely avoid certain teachers who crossed my paths. I'm glad I'm not a teacher the children normally avoid.

I'm not the best teacher but I'm certain I'm one of the better ones. I try my best and I believe I touch lives and make a positive difference!

Day 2 Blood Test

2011-06-23T08:11:00.000-07:00

Went to KK this morning for a blood test. The following will be tested:

1) Follicular-Stimulating Hormone (FSH)
2) Luteinsing Hormone (LH)
3) Estradiol (E2)
4) Prolactin
5) Anti-Mullerian Hormone (AMH)

Results will only be revealed and reviewed on my next appointment with Dr Loh which will be in a month's time.

Decided to find out a little more about all these tests...

1) Follicular-Stimulating Hormone (FSH)

- hormone released by the pituitary gland to start follicle development. If the ovaries do not respond promptly or are producing fewer eggs, the FSH levels will be high.

2) Luteinsing Hormone (LH)

- a surge in the LH level indicates ovulation

- however, LH level also rises during menopause

3) Estradiol (E2)

- a sex hormone, used to access ovarian function

4) Prolactin

- to diagnose infertility

5) Anti-Mullerian Hormone (AMH)

- to test for the ovarian reserve

It's amazing and scary what a small tube of blood can tell us.

Costs (GST not inclusive):

1) FSH $32.30

2) LH $32.30

3) E2 $34.70

4) Prolactin $32.30

5) AMH $40.00

The Answer...

2011-06-21T07:05:00.000-07:00

We seek to find answers to our questions and ask why and sometimes we don't like the answer...

Last Friday, hubby and I went to KK and met our 3rd fertility Dr. He's the 3rd one we've seen in KK within 2 years. He was recommended by a friend who has conceived under his IVF treatment. He was the head of the department and was reputed to be the one with miracle hands.

Before we started on our long journey trying to conceive, we didn't think we would have to 'travel' so far and now to consider IVF. Just like the other appointments we had, we had to wait for over an hour to finally see him. In his office was a large display of photographs of babies and children successfully conceived from IVF.

Finally, Dr Loh came and he was friendly and asked some questions while he flipped through my medical file and noted that I've been through many cycles of clomid and Letrozole. Then just like the other 2 doctors I've seen before him, I was given an ultrasound. But what followed was pretty unexpected. He said that I had small ovaries! Finally, he had found the answer to explain the infertility problem that we're having! Although the other 2 Drs had done the same, all they could say was that everything looked normal. Now, Dr Loh had found something and I don't like what he found.

At that point in time, I didn't know what was the real implications of having small ovaries. But one thing for certain was that I could sense a certain urgency in his decision to let me start IVF as soon as possible, looking at August and with a high dosage of medication. While we were waiting for Dr Loh at his office, I had asked the nurse when was the earliest time we could start IVF and she said October. So August is half the usual waiting time.

But before that, I still had to go through some blood tests to check certain things before we're ready to start IVF.

Just Another Beautiful Day!

2011-05-07T21:15:00.000-07:00

I've got myself my 1st DSLR, a Sony Alpha 33. This is the first photo I've taken with it using the Panorama function. Expect more photos in the future :)

View from outside my window..

Traffic on the causeway is smooth so feel free to make a day trip to JB.

And this is your live traffic report from Marsiling, a ward under PAP. :)

Post-Election Day

2011-05-07T21:00:00.000-07:00

I'm relieved that Peace & Prosperity has prevailed but it's easy to see the huge swing of votes towards the opposition. I'm saddened that GY and his team had to be the sacrificial lambs as a result of this- people wanting a 'loud-speaker' for people's complains.

Isn't there other ways for people to reflect their views more promptly and effectively to our leaders. Why do we tend to complain behind their backs and then choose to voice out all these frustrations using our votes? I hope that the PAP will really change its way of doing things and learn from their loss. I hope the leaders will take this opportunity given by the people to show that they can indeed fulfil their promises and make Singapore a truly better home for everyone. The opposition will definitely come back stronger come the next election. If the PAP wants to stay in government, it must really show the heart for the people.

And please be more selective about the candidates. Try to recruit some of the capable and popular ones from the opposition parties. They just want to serve the people and many just joined their parties months before the election. So offer them a better opportunity to better serve the people. I see this as a win-win solution.

People kept talking about change. At the same time, people should really look at themselves and seek to change themselves first. Stop asking about what the country can do and has to do for you, what can you do for it? Be the change you want to see. If you want Singapore to be gracious, just look at all the rubbish left behind in the stadiums after the rallies and the gathering... How do you want the country to become gracious when you're not even gracious yourself.

While people are quick to voice their unhappiness and complains, we should be mindful about our influences on the children. I would hate to see children growing up to take things for granted, who only see the faults of others, who are quick to blame and complain and being generally negative. I hope that the children will grow up to be a grateful lot who don't take things all for granted.

It is now time for us to look hard at ourselves and ask how we want our lives to be better. Start the change from within...

P/S Now I feel silly for worrying about PAP losing majority of the seats. But the fear was real then...

PLEASE VOTE WISELY!

2011-05-05T22:53:00.000-07:00

I found this most disturbing... Are your ready to cast your vote tomorrow and get the change that you want? Are you ready for a coalition government? Please look at the big picture before casting your vote tomorrow.

Thanks to Mr Moh Hon Meng for his Facebook notes...
Please share this link with your friends before its too late!
feed://www.facebook.com/feeds/notes.php?id=698016168&viewer=810904132&key=AQCSisPPRVu8KFtI&format=rss20

In defence of the PAP, part 3

Moh Hon Meng

Today, 10:31 AM

My friends say that I have written with my head but not my heart.

So this last note is from the heart.

MM Lee

Sir, I am a huge admirer of what you have done for Singapore
in the 50s to the 80s. But I must say that you are out of touch with young
Singaporeans. You said in your latest book that you do not know what Facebook
is, and yet it could be the very thing that will bring the PAP down.

Your ‘repent’ comment on Aljunied residents lost a lot of
votes all over Singapore. Normally rational, pro-PAP friends of mine are now
voting opposition because of the remark. The ST today reported that a few
people said the same to Mr. George Yeo.

Many of us think you are still one of the finest minds in
the world, even at your age, but your ‘talk-down’ manner to Singaporeans must
change. ‘Father’ does not know best. Please let PM Lee lead, and be seen to be
the one leading.

In your time, your double first was rare, and my parents’
generation said “he went overseas, he’s got double first, let him lead”. Today,
mainly as a result of your success in leading Singapore, you can’t throw a
stone in Raffles Place without hitting someone with impressive qualifications. We
are well-educated, well-travelled, plugged in and connected. Whether you
believe it or not, Singapore is safe with us.

PM Lee

I’m a huge admirer of your talent, your resolve, your hard
work and I truly believe that your heart is in the right place. I think you are
one of the finest PMs in the world and I am very proud to see you on the global
stage.

However, your team members are not as engaged. Some of them
do not care. Some of them are so arrogant, it is not just nauseating and
repelling, they make people want to take up arms and bring you down.

You’ve made it very difficult for a lot of people to vote
PAP. On the one hand, we want the stability and economic growth that the PAP
brings. Yet on the other, when we think about voting PAP, we cringe. We think,
if we vote PAP again, and give it a strong mandate, does it mean that we are
saying that we endorse the arrogant, unfair, uncaring things that the PAP has
done? Please, sir, you have to fix that.

My friends

I am Pro-PAP, but not a member. I don’t have to plug for
every vote. It is my running theme across all 3 notes – please vote for the
opposition only if you genuinely believe that they are of top notch quality and
will represent your voice well. It is not my place to say who is top quality
and who is not. Everyone has a different idea of what quality is. But if you agree that the quality of the candidates in your area is very bad, please do not vote for them.

I am genuinely alarmed at the number of people who have told
me that they are voting opposition regardless of who the candidates are. Not a
single one of my friends in Ang Mo Kio GRC is voting for PM Lee. More are
starting to say, bring the PAP down, let’s form a coalition government.

Please all, the opposition is not ready to take over the
government in this one election. This is not my opinion. Mr. Low Thia Khiang
said so many times. The day that he says he is ready, it is different. In any
case, if the PAP loses all the seats, and a coalition of opposition parties
form the government in this election, the Prime Minister is likely to be Mr.
Goh Meng Seng, the leader of the NSP, because he would have the most MPs. I’m
not saying he is not qualified. But I would have to agree with Mr. Low that
they are probably not ready at this one election.

People say “I don’t think so”, but they say in the same breadth that they and their friends are all voting opposition. Let me first share what the (illegal) bookies think. Last week they were giving odds for 1 GRC
to fall to the opposition. Then it became 2, and by May 2nd,
it was 4 GRCs and 4 SMCs. What’s the latest after last night’s rallies?
Investment professional sometimes sit in their ivory towers, but the bookies
are very close to the ground, and often have a very good read. The reality of
toppling the PAP, in this one election, is becoming more and more real.

Let me also share my investment behaviour. If everyone
around me tells me that they are not buying the product from a particular
company, I sell the stock straightaway, no matter how impressive their past
performance has been. In this case, however, I can’t sell the stock, because I am Singaporean.
So I am hoping to rationalise with my friends and fellowmen.

Again, from my heart, thank you all for your indulgence in reading this.

Appreciating What We have

2011-05-03T09:38:00.000-07:00

“We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.”

This is another post about my sentiments regarding the coming general election. I have never been so interested in politics. I found myself almost reading every news articles relating the GE, reading blogs and viewing videos pertaining to the coming election. According to the ruling party, 'the ground is not as sweet'. There are a lot of resentment in the general population regarding the high costs of living, the high cost of public housing, the influx of foreign workers/talents, woes of public transports, traffic jams despite all the measures & expensive policies by the government. The list of complaints against the ruling goes on and on... Nothing seem right... And everyone's blaming the PAP. PM Lee also admitted that sometimes the policies didn't turn out the way they expected. But he promised that they will change.

The voices for change are loud and clear almost everywhere. And people are looking for change... People are looking for a total change. They want to vote in the opposition parties. Parties that promise to be the voice for the people in the parliament. Everywhere I looked, people are writing, complaining and advocating for change. Someone even wrote that he would even vote for a monkey as long as he's with the opposition. Is the current state really so bad that we have people saying "even my dog can do a better job'? Meanwhile, the supporters of PAP appeared to be weak and accused to be ignorant and myopic by the supporters of the opposition parties.

Be fair to the ruling party, without them, Singapore wouldn't be what it is today. Within 40 years, Singapore has developed from a 3rd world to a 1st world nation with practically nothing, leaving our neighbouring countries trying to play catch up. What it has achieved today is really nothing short of a miracle. This phenomenal success could not be possible without the governance and leadership of the current ruling party, the PAP.

Some people say the success of Singapore is due to the people's hard work. Eh... But just think about it. Farmers and lots of other people in other countries also work very hard if not harder, but are their lives any better? If not for the policies and the good governance, Singapore won't be what it is today. It doesn't happen by accident.

Many netizens are vocal in expressing their views and were seen trying to get people to vote for change, vote for opposition, vote for 1st world parliament. When others expressed their support for the ruling party and their gratitude for the ruling party, they were viewed as being myopic and ignorant by the oppositions' supporters. While I've looked at enough videos, blogs, forums, articles that focused on the faults and weaknesses of the ruling party and the strong calls to vote for change, I've decided to recognize and appreciate what we have.

A lot of Singaporeans are taking everything that we're enjoying today for granted. I'm happy with what we have now, what Singaporeans take for granted...

1) Singapore is a safe country. We can be out late at night and not worry about being robbed. Crime rates are low. In neighbouring countries, it's common to hear of people getting robbed or kidnapped, even in their own homes.

2) Singapore is consistently rated one of the least corrupted countries in the world by Transparency International. Those caught are severely dealt with. In a neighbouring country, the police seem especially efficient at 'catching' speeding cars. We were once caught for just driving 2km/h above the speed limit. And the 'fines' go straight into their pockets. But with crime rates so high, why aren't the police spending more time and effort catching the real criminals?

3) We have our basic needs met, including electricity, clean water and high-speed internet access which we take for granted. For a resource limited country, Singapore is able to sell treated clean water to its much bigger neighbour. We're now considered 'the water expert', sharing our know-how with other countries facing water problems.

4) We have one of the best education systems around the world. It's recognized and others are trying to learn from us. Our school facilities are world-class. There are many paths for everyone. What we enjoy in our schools are so readily provided that we do not realise how lucky we are. Just visit a school in a neighbouring country and you will know what I mean. That's the reason why we can attract so many foreign students. Singapore is able to provide what their country can't. Sure it's a stressful system and I do hope that they can do away with PSLE in the future and I do dream about a class size of 20. I agree that more can be done and provided for children with special needs. But I believe the ministry is already taking steps to change. The reason the opposition parties are able to field in so many credible candidates is also a testimony for the success of our education system.

5) We have a strong economy. Considered one of the 4 Asian Tigers, Singapore is the fastest growing economy with a 14.5% growth in 2010. We have good variety of jobs around. Unemployment is at 2%. This is in the midst of the financial crisis when other countries are facing high unemployment, countries that needed bail outs. From what I know, no Singaporeans had to resort to working overseas as maids or travel to a neighbouring country to be a factory worker as there are really no jobs locally. While other bigger and 'richer' countries are facing debts, Singapore was able to overcome the economic crisis and make a speedy recovery due to the prompt and effective measures and policies by the government. While I had my questions regarding the plans for the Integrated Resorts, this proved to be a right decision to boost the economy. What about the social ills, what about people getting addicted to gambling? Yes, always blaming the government for everything that goes wrong. I say why blame government for the bad choices that people make for themselves.

6) Public transport is convenient, from MRT trains to LRT, buses and taxis. Almost everywhere in Singapore is accessible by public transport that are readily available at regular intervals. Yes, it's crowded during peak hours, but isn't it the same in all the busy cities? Read in the news today about the light rail system in KL that's really in a mess. Images of people sitting on top of trains and buses in India also come to mind...

7) There are a lot of public services and facilities that serve the needs of the residents. We have many good public community and regional libraries that are really easily accessible to everyone. And the best part is it's free. There are many public swimming pools, community centres/clubs and parks. Of course, there can be more and better ones.

8) Public housing is good and always improving. The new flats look better each time. Prices of housing are high. But look at the major cities, everyone has the same problem- Hong Kong, Tokyo, BeiJing, Shanghai, New York, etc. The government recognized the problem of high prices and is looking into ways to control the pricing but careful not the crash the market at the same time. More flats will be built and they will be built faster too. New flats are getting smaller.... Look at the apartments in Hong Kong and you'll be thankful with what you have.

9) We enjoy a high standard of living. Almost everyone has a flat-screen TV (including a pupil who is under financial assistance and lives in a 1-room flat). I see primary school children carrying mobile phones, friends who upgrade their mobile phones every year. Some say the national pastime is shopping and traveling. An opposition candidate said that it's better to live in Malaysia or Russia. If u think it's cheap to live in Malaysia, imagine your earnings in Ringgit, dollar for dollar. Imagine paying $5 for your chicken rice at a coffeeshop or $30 for a bottle of Nutella at the supermarket. I think that's not a fair comparison in the first place. Should compare with another developed nation. Btw, Malaysia's per Capita Income is US$14600 while Singapore's is US$56, 522.

10) Singapore have one of the best government in the world. This is widely recognized but strange that only it's citizens are quick to find fault with it. It works in its own uniquely Singapore way, dominated by 1 party. The leaders have shown leadership with great vision. While they are not perfect, there are always areas for improvement. Sometimes they are wrong, but most of the times, they are right. Some of the opposition parties raise some issues and proposals that are attractive and the ruling party should seriously consider them and make them happen.

Actually, there're many other good things and accomplishments I can see that I can add to my list... All these are the 'little things' that many have already taken for granted. Many people have chosen to just focus on the negatives and ignore the positives. And the supporters of Peace & Prosperity are considered 'myopic'? The bottom line is...

We do have a good government, we can help make it become better by providing timely feedback and make our views known. Life's good and it'll get better. But there's no need to change a good government with good track records for opposition parties with no track records. They are good and can get better. Although I question the PAP's choice of some new candidates, most of the new candidates are really capable and credible. I prefer a first class government to a first class opposition. Can't imagine parliament with 2 parties. Think Taiwan politics...

I still choose to believe in Peace And Prosperity and I want to "風雨同舟, 共创未来!"
I also believe after this election, the government will listen more and react more promptly to the voices of its people. There is no such thing as a perfect government because you really can't please everyone. If you know of a perfect government, let me know.

Come May 7, after the election day, I just cannot imagine PAP losing majority of the seats since so many people out there vowed to 'vote for even monkeys'. So they think the opposition parties who are so good at 'attacking' the current government can do a better job than them? It's always easy to complain and finger point when things go wrong. And the oppositions and supporters are doing a darn good job at blaming the ruling party for everything that had gone wrong. But honestly, who's perfect? You've never made a single mistake in your life? Do you expect others to condemn you just for your mistake while ignoring all your other contributions. Come on, be fair! What about giving credit for all that they have done right? So do people honestly think the opposition parties can do a better job? Imagine the next parliament with 7 political parties... Is this really what Singaporeans want? With so many different voices, life's going to get better then?

Having a choice is good but that doesn't mean that it's going to be a better choice. Look at the bigger picture. Be careful about what you wish for. You may just get your wish. Change will come, for better or for worse...

GE 2011

2011-04-27T20:14:00.000-07:00

Just my two cents worth regarding the GE 2011...

Can't believe that there are so many unhappy people out there who can't wait to vote out the ruling party. Someone even wrote that he will even vote for monkeys with the opposition. People blaming the gahmen for everything. There seem to be more negative voices than positive ones.

Pls don't oppose just for the sake of opposing! Be thankful for what Sg has achieved so far. Just look at other countries and it's not difficult to realize that things could be much worse. What Singapore has achieved today is nothing short of a miracle with no land, water, people, resources to start with. All these accomplishments are really not possible without our Sg government. Others recognized Sg gahmen to be one of the best in the world, but her own citizens 'curse and swear' at them. What about recognition of all these accomplishments? 身在福中,不知福?

Honesty, life's not that bad in Sg! The problems we are facing are the same in many other countries. The Sg gahment didn't cause all these problems. Yes, life can be better. I can only say it's easier to 'complain'? Be contented, happy, thankful and grateful with what you have, things could be worse, much worse. Don't take everything for granted.

Vote wisely! Vote for capable candidates and party that can make positive differences. Please don't vote for monkeys unless you want to go bananas!

Check out PAP's Manifesto Video on http://www.pap.org.sg/.

I want to 風雨同舟, 共创未来!

Which Maid to Choose?

2011-04-26T17:51:00.000-07:00

A friend shared this on her FB. I thought this is most interesting...

Which maid to choose?

by Ming Lee Lim on Monday, April 25, 2011 at 6:16pm

I need your urgent advice about employing a maid. As a busy mother, I need someone reliable to help out at home.

My maid is from Profits Agency Pte (PAP) and she has worked for me for a long time. Her mother worked for my parents and did an excellent job, so I had faith in her. For several years her performance has been very good, but recently she has become arrogant and insensitive, and is making lots of mistakes.

For example:

1) She flooded my kitchen – she told me that the drain pipe has blocked (she was supposed to clear it once a month but didn’t). Then she assured me that it is very rare and won’t happen again in the near future. Guess what? It flooded again within a year!

2) She didn’t close a window and my terrier dog escaped. I was so worried cos he is dangerous and could bite lots of people. After the incident, she didn’t apologise and just shrugged her shoulders saying “What to do, it has happened.” Fortunately my neighbor found the dog and we locked it up again.

3) Without consulting me, she has been bringing in strangers for my house's maintenance work. She says they charge low wages and keep costs down, but they eat my food, make a lot of noise and rest on my bed. I think they even tried to seduce my husband. It stopped feeling like my home, more like a cheap hotel, and I don’t always want to come back at the end of the day.

4) When she first came to work for me, I instructed her to clean the different parts of the house at least once a week. But for some time she has stopped taking care of the bedrooms of PP and H; they are now dirty and messy. I asked why and she told me that the kids had been disobedient, so she was neglecting their bedrooms as a punishment (she has forgotten that she is paid to clean all the rooms).

Even though my maid has worked for me for many years and I value what she has done in the past, I think she is now getting complacent. Her attitude is imperious and dismissive. She ignores my comments and basically treats my feedback as "noise". I wrote to the agency about her behavior; they assured me that they are the best agency around and all their maids are “Commited to Serve” – but I think it is just rhetoric and I don’t see that in her actions. Her salary is much higher than maids in other countries, but the agency say this is to keep her honest and stop her moving to another employer. They say there is a limited supply of maids, and Singapore isn’t big enough for more than one good maid agency, so I should not trust their competitors.

I have to decide whether to renew my maid’s 5-year employment contract. When we discussed this she said that she is now part of a team, and if I want her I must also accept her friends doing part-time work for me. One friend is very inexperienced, can't do basic tasks or explain what she intends to do. I suspect that she is actually underage. When interviewed, she only seemed interested in her days-off and visiting Universal Studios. When she couldn't answer my questions she stomped her foot and exclaimed, "I don't know what to say!" But I am still expected to pay her a high salary.

Now there happen to be a few other maid agencies - Workhard Pte (WP), New Solutions Pte (NSP), Super Personnel Pte (SPP) and Star Domestica Pte (SDP) - that offered me some helpers who seem sincere, genuine and intelligent. They are keen to work, willing to assist me and have a good attitude. I know that they may take a bit of time to learn how everything works, but frankly I am inclined to give them a chance.

People say that the devil you know is better than one you don’t. But I feel that I can’t tahan my current maid anymore. Do you think I should sack my current maid and try out a new one? Appreciate your advice.

Something to Look Forward To...

2011-04-24T19:46:00.000-07:00

I've finally booked our SQ flight to Taipei next month. This is going to be our the holiday for just the 2 of us after such a long time. We have been putting off traveling or booking any holidays for the 'fear' that I may get pregnant and thus have to forfeit our holidays. Before this, we already don't travel as often as I would have liked to. In the past, I used to travel at least twice yearly with my friends, traveling between a week to 3 weeks each time. Jerome is not that much into traveling. When I first went to Langkawi for a short getaway with Jerome, it was his first holiday in 6 years. He had been too busy building his business. Other than our 2 weeks honeymoon to Switzerland and Italy, our holidays have been restricted to a maximum of 6 days.

Of course, the promotional airfare by SQ was quite irresistible. The fare was close to 50% off the usual price, making it even lower than JS. So I decided to go ahead and book the air tickets. If I'm really so lucky to get my BFP this month (after all this time and when I'm not on Clomid or Letrozole?), I'll just have to forfeit the air tickets. If not, we're still going for our holidays. Either way, I'll be happy.

Now, there's something else for me to look forward to... 5D4N in Taipei :)

The awakening of the travel bug...

It's a Crazy World!

2011-04-20T20:14:00.000-07:00

Read about the case where a newborn was found buried alive in Eunos. He was found with a trash-bag twisted like a rope around his neck.

He is indeed a miracle baby. It was a miracle for him to be conceived in the first place. And after his mother had carried him for 9 months, he was born a beautiful and healthy baby. But what drove his mother to decide to bury her baby alive in a flower bed on a roof-top garden on a multi-storey carpark? Fortunately for the baby, an old man smoking nearby heard his crying and decided to investigate and rescued the poor baby from his shallow grave just in time. Interestingly, it was reported that the 'hero' here is a father of 11.

I'm glad that the baby is now "in a stable condition". Hope that everything's going to turn out fine for him. 大難不死必有後福. All the best to you, little one.

It's a crazy world! There are many couples trying desperately to have children. And there are those who have them and then (tried to) kill them...

If the mother really can't take care of the child, she could have seek help and put her child up for adoption. But to try to strangle and bury her innocent baby alive??? That's madness! She should have given the baby a chance for a better life. There're lots of couples looking at adoption but not enough babies available. Couples who are able to provide a loving home for the children if given a chance to. I should know...

A Positive Sign... or not?

2011-04-17T22:44:00.000-07:00

Last Sunday, Jerome and I went to my friend's baby shower for her first born. The first baby shower we attended in many years. I hated attending baby showers because of the inevitable question "When's your turn?" Anyway, I decided to attend the one last Sunday and managed to drag Jerome along.

I haven't been in constant contact with my Secondary School friend. The last time we met was over a year ago when she visited my home with her husband. I did not know she was even pregnant until I received her SMS invitation to attend her first baby's 1st month celebration. She has got married a few months after Jerome and I. I guessed she must have taken quite a long time to conceive her baby.

Anyway, she asked me THE question "When's your turn?" I told her honestly that we're working on it, been working on it for a long time." She asked me whether I've considered IVF so I told her that we're looking into it. It turned out that her baby was conceived through IVF. She also shared other positive stories from other couples she know who also conceived their babies through IVF. And about her daily injections for over 50 days with the needles growing in size and dosages. Her husband was the one doing the injections for her as she was afraid of needles. Well done, my friend! Anyway, the bottom line was it was all worth it. Her precious princess made everything that she's gone through worth it.

Later, I shared with Jerome whatever my friend had shared with me. I remarked that this is a positive sign since my friend shared with me so many success stories. Jerome couldn't get pass the idea of the 50+ injections. He reminded me about his 'phobia' of injections. I told him I'm the one being injected, not him! He admitted that needle is his weakness. He said we should reconsider the whole IVF business and whether we really want to go through all these just for a child or another round of disappointment. He talked about an ex-colleague who had a child with special needs. Her advice to him was that sometimes it's better off to have no children. Just take things natural. The most important thing is that we're happy and contented with what we already have.

So think again...

But 1 thing's for certain, Jerome says "If we do not have children, we're going on holiday every CNY so we don't have people asking us "When's your turn?" or 'happily' telling us "So and so got married last year and now wife's giving birth soon. So we better 'buck up'. "

I couldn't agree more... In fact I'm looking forward to travelling somewhere now!

2, 4, 6 or none?

2011-03-27T22:32:00.000-07:00

Think it was about over a week ago, I was reading the forum page in the papers. A lady wrote in to say why her husband decided to stop at 2 and not 4. That is stop at having 2 children... The bottom line is that they decided that they have just enough time, energy and $ for 2 children and not more. Hence, she aborted her last pregnancy that consisted of a pair of twins. Couldn't she have given birth to them and give them up for adoption later, giving them the gift and chance of life?

Then a few days later, another lady wrote in to share why she and her husband decided to have 6 children... But of course, her children are quite grown up now and somehow they have managed.

These are 2 women from 2 different generations.

What about me?
I think I like the number 3. But I'll be lucky to have 1!

Btw, the latest attempt on Letrozole has failed again. So we've decided to go for IVF after letting my body rest for a month before more medication... Told hubby that he will have to learn to give me my daily injection, play his part and overcome his 'fear of needles'.

Strange Dream

2011-03-18T07:32:00.000-07:00

Jerome and I were somewhere in China, having a holiday. We came across an old woman carrying a really chubby baby with rosy cheeks. It turned out that she was asking for someone to adopt the little baby. Her daughter ran away from home after giving birth to the baby and she was too old and poor to care for the baby. Without hesitation, Jerome and I decided to adopted the little baby, giving the old lady $$$ for her 'gift'. We have 'bought' the most precious gift!

I can't remember what happened afterwards as I woke up from my 'sweet' dream or strange dream. Anyone into analysis of dreams?

New Year, New Hopes

2011-03-04T21:25:00.000-08:00

The year 2011 has started and we're into its 3rd month already! I've not been updating this blog for quite sometime now. Been kinda lazy :P As it turned out, I'm still not back in school despite my P's attractive offer cos of some rules of MOE. Anyway, keeping my fingers crossed that I'll still be able to return to school on a part-time basis in Term 3.

Last month, we've managed to see a new gynea at KK who prescribed a new medication- Letrozole that's suppose to be better than Clomid. It costs a lot more too. For 10 tablets to be taken over 5 days, it was about S$100. It was actually a post-breast cancer treatment medication that is also often prescribed over the last decade as a fertility drug. Apparently, the makers of the drug had issued warning letters to doctors against prescribing them as fertility drugs. But nevertheless, I guess Letrozole is still being frequently prescribed. But we've been warned that one has to be absolutely certain that one is not pregnant before having Letrozole as it's detrimental to the development of the fetus.

Anyway, after I've completed my 1st cycle of Letrozole, I was still spotting and was suffering from a pain and a swell in my right neck. 3 days later, I was still having fever and the swell on my neck was obvious. I was getting worried, hoping that it was nothing serious. I googled and tried to look for reasons to explain my 'sufferings', I called the KKIVF centre and asked if all these were the side effects of Letrozole. I was advised to visit the 24hr clinic at KK to see a doctor.

Finally at 11p.m., we finally went to visit the doctor just to 'buy some peace". After a urine test, doctor spotted a faint line on the pregnancy kit and I saw a glimpse of hope while the dr went on to suggest a blood test to confirm if I was really pregnant. Jerome was horrified! Could his 'sotong' wife started on Letrozole when she was pregnant all along? He had read up on all the side effects of Letrozole. For the first time, he hoped that it's a false positive. Later when I was out of the consultation room, Jerome returned to ask the doctor some questions of his own. The doctors confirmed his fears about all the side effects of Letrozole. He asked her if the pregnancy test is positive, should he be happy or should he worry. Doctor said to take things one step at a time. At least it proved that my egg and his sperm are working.

Along our home home, I kept telling Jerome that it's not possible for me to be pregnant. My menses has just ended and I can't be pregnant before that as I've already used the test kit before starting on Letrozole.
Sometime after midnight, KK called, "Mdm Tan, this is calling from KKH. Your blood test results is out and we are sorry to inform you that you are not pregnant." I had very mixed feeling upon hear this. Kinda disappointed that I'm still not pregnant. Relieved as we didn't have to worry about the effects of Letrozole. So all our worries were for nothing. But I'm not sure if I would try Letrozole for another cycle. I certainly hope I don't have to :)

An Irresistible Offer

2010-12-01T04:53:00.000-08:00

I went back to school today to submit my leave form to extend my no-pay leave with the resignation letter as a back up. The P said that they need help at the library, to purchase books etc. I quickly volunteered to help shop for books as I really don't mind shopping for children's books. Actually, I love to shop for children's books!

And I've got an irresistible offer from the Principal instead. He offered me 1/4 load- just be the library coordinator, in charge of purchasing books and planning for library and reading programmes. No teaching, 2 days per week, 4-5hrs per day.

I couldn't believe it! This is really good! I had to stop myself from taking up his offer there and then. I told him that I would need to discuss with Jerome first.

On my way home, I couldn't wait to share with Jerome the 'good news'. I messaged him and told him about the P's offer. To my disappointment, Jerome's response was "No!" He said knowing me, I would eventually go to school three times a week and work 8 to 5 again. He said I might as well return full time...

Ramdom Thoughts

2010-11-23T18:41:00.000-08:00

My youngest sister wrote me a long mail via facebook telling me about what she thinks when she read about our adoption plans. She offered her mobile services 24-7 to me and I was really touched. She was telling me that we're still both young and should continue trying to have our own. She was concerned about what others may think, the questions asked by relatives, etc... What if the biological mother comes knocking and wants her child back? What if we eventually have our own biological children? What if the child grows up to be rebellious? These are questions that I have no definite answers.

But I told her not to tell my parents about this as nothing is for sure yet. Meanwhile, I'm waiting for my 'last chance' to get my BFP this year. Nevertheless, we have the pre-adoption workshop next January to look forward to. The November workshop was full and these workshops seem to be very popular.

From FB, I was updated about friends and colleagues who are having babies. 8 out of 10 ladies I knew from 2 years back from the singaporemotherhood forum, all trying to conceive then, already have their own babies. I feel happy for them but can't help feeling envious about their 'good fortune'. One of the reasons that I actually gave my P for going on leave from school is that I'm affected when I see other teachers getting pregnant in school.

I don't want to go to baby showers, children's birthday parties or huge family gatherings. I don't like putting myself through all the "Ah! Baby so cute!", "When's your turn?", "How many years have you been married? Isn't it about time to have your own children?" or "Why don't you want to have children?" Well, if they only knew. Jerome always say that many people have nothing better to say.

A couple of years back when my mother-in-law mentioned that it was about time for us to have a baby over a family dinner, Jerome told her off and said that it's really our business. She never bring up the matter ever since. But he did announce to her that we're trying to start our family last year. Wonder when she'll ask to see some results... Then imagine the shock she might get if she finds out we're thinking about adopting.

Looking at Adoption in A New Light

2010-11-18T06:24:00.000-08:00

I mentioned earlier that Jerome was thinking about adoption and a dear friend shared with me some information and links to some adoption agencies in Singapore. So I thought I could just take a look. Just to look.

There was a gallery showing lots of pictures of adorable babies and one moment I was 'awwwing' at the pictures of these cute little babies and the next moment, I found myself tearing up. I called Jerome to take a look. He looked ready to choose one already. All these babies are up for adoption because of one reason or the other. I felt a sudden urge to bring one home immediately.

I found out that there is a "Pre-adoption Workshop" coming up next Friday and the closing date for application is tomorrow! I told Jerome about the workshop and that we have to attend it. Jerome was puzzled why I was suddenly excited about adoption as I didn't seemed to so keen before. He said I should cool down. The next thing I know I burst out crying! We are trying so hard to have one of our own babies and yet there are lots of parents who got their babies and didn't want them. The babies are innocent and we can give them a good family and home to grow up in. We will shower our baby with all our love.

I've sent them an email regarding the workshop and will call them tomorrow first thing in the morning. I hope to still get the vacancies to go next week.

An Almost Sleepless Night

2010-11-16T19:51:00.000-08:00

Was having problems falling asleep last night- thinking about SO-IUI, IVF, gynaes and adoption...

And when I finally fell asleep, I had a ~~nightmare~~ dream that woke me up and I had troubles falling asleep again after that.

I dreamt that I was back in school trying to get some things ( OMG! I still have so much stuff in school!) but I bypass the office as I didn't want anyone to ask me how I've been? What I've been doing? etc... It must have been a Saturday as there was no one around. When I was about to leave the school, one of the HODs saw me and asked me whether I'm returning to school next year as they are planning for the time-table. My 6 months leave is coming to an end. I was thinking about how to answer him when I woke up.

I have 4 options.

1) Return to school next year.
2) Try to extend my no-pay-leave by another 6 months.
3) Ask for a transfer to a school closer to home.
4) Resign.

1) Return to School.
At least I'm productive in school. The children in school missed me and I missed them too. I have colleagues and friends to talk to. I won't feel like I'm living in a social vacuum. Now, I feel I can just throw away my mobile phone since hardly anybody ever calls me.

But I know once I'm back, I'll be consumed by the demands of work and lose my current focus/priority in life. Work stress correlates to low fertility rates. After enjoying life these few months, it will be difficult to get back into the routine. Back to waking up at 5am and reaching home at 7pm? For what?

2) Try to extend my No-Pay Leave.
Think that's going to be difficult. "Taking leave from work trying to conceive" doesn't seem like a valid reason at all. Although the P did say I can take 2 years off some 5 months, but that's still subjected to MOE's approval. Even when I'm on leave, I'm still often thinking about school. I still have my 'warehouse' I need to clear in school. I'm really a 'collector'. Am thinking of driving Jerome's car (once I'm confident enough) back to school so that I can clear all my barang barang in a few trips :P

3) Ask for a transfer to a school nearer to home.
This is quite an attractive option for me. The 3-4hr daily commute was a nightmare for me, especially when I take the Circle Line home during peak hours. In the morning, the crowd not so bad. I just have to leave home at 5.30am to catch a feeder bus, then take the train from Woodlands to Bishan, change to Circle Line, to Mountbatten, then transfer to another bus so that I can reach school by 7am. Then if I leave school at 4.30p.m, I can expect to reach home at around 7p.m. The peak hour crowd in the evening was a force. Trying to board a train from Bishan in a already sardined packed carriage is an almost impossible task. I usually have to wait for the next train. Then at Yishun, I had to alight again as the train terminates at the station. This time, I probably had to wait for the 4th train that comes along before I can find a lucky spot to squeeze myself in. Then another superlong queue for the feeder bus at the interchange to finally take me home.

I'm reminding myself of that nightmare as it plays a vital role in my decision making. And you can bet that after a long day at home and the long journey home, I don't have much energy left to do anything (or say anything) else in the evening. I didn't want to 'complain' to Jerome about the travelling at first as I knew what he'll just say, "See! I told you so! I've asked you to transfer school a long time ago! I already said part-time or just resign. But itchy backside has to go back full-time..."

Another school, another brand new start... but...

4) Resign.
Think I'll just resign and save everyone the trouble. I can stay focused on my current priority.
Like Jerome always say, "Relax! Take it easy!" So when should I submit my resignation again?

Another Cycle of Clomid

2010-11-16T01:46:00.000-08:00

In February, Jerome made an appointment at KKH-The Private Suite to visit Dr K Loi who specializes in fertility. After that first consultation, after an ultrasound and a Pap Smear, Dr Loi suggested that I was not ovulating and hence I was prescribed clomid to be taken over 3 cycles and Jerome had to check out his troops. Our next appointment will be after the 3 cycles and after Dr Loi returned from her maternity leave.

The first month I started, I had to visit the hospital for a blood test to check for my Progesterone levels that indicates whether I'm ovulating. But strangely, there was no follow up to that blood test. Just like the Pap Smear I did, there were no calls or mails. What's the purpose of doing the tests if I don't get the results?

After the 2nd blood test, I told the nurse about this. Only then I found out that I needed to get my blood test done at the KKIVF department, not at the Pte Suite. Anyway, a few days later, I received a call from a nurse telling me that I'm not ovulating and that I should increase my dosage of clomid to 2 tablets. So I had to make another trip to KKH just to get the extra tablets. Another blood test after the 3rd cycle confirmed that I was ovulating.

So after completing my first 3 cycles of clomid, we finally visited Dr Loi again in July. She suggested that do a HSG test where a radioactive dye is injected through the vagina and an x-ray taken to check whether my fallopian tubes are blocked. So I went for that and cleared the test.

The next visit, after the HSG test, Dr Loi suggested that I try another 3 cycles of clomid. Since I'm ovulating with 2 tablets, I'll just stick to 2. She informed us that she's leaving KKH for her own practice at Paragon so if I want to see her again, we'll have to move with her. Think it's a blessing really. We were thinking of seeing another gynae.

Jerome & I felt that she had not been very professional and most forgetful so we'll not visit her again. On 2 occasions, during the consultation, she said she's going to prescribe some multi-vitamins for Jerome but she forgot. During a visit, I was told I need to do another Pap Smear during my next visit. And during my next visit, she forgot about it. We had stepped out of her office when I remembered that. We went back in and reminded her. During our last consultation, she said I should stick to 2 tablets of clomid. But when I got the prescription, I was given 3 tablets. Dr Loi made a mistake on the prescription? Both Jerome & I were certain that I were to be on 2 tablets. Errr... so should I just take 2 tablets since I'm ovulating at 2, or should I be kiasu and take 3? Even the Pharmacist was surprised of my 'high' dosage as she had only seen prescription of 2 tablets so far. So we decided that we'll just stick to 2 tablets and we're definitely not going to stick to Dr Loi.

Anyway, so I've now started on my 5th cycle of clomid. Another cycle of wait and see...

On a brighter note, we've both passed all the medical tests that we had to do. I'm ovulating with 2 tables after my 3rd blood test. I've no side effects from taking clomid.

Jerome says we'll move on to IVF next year. He has also considered adopting.

P/S I was shocked at how cheap clomid is. At KKH, it's less than 20 cents a pill. So for less than a dollar a month, it had helped ~~some~~ many couples conceive. And it seems that many colleagues in school who had their babies took clomid before.

Looking on the Bright Side of Life

2010-11-13T20:07:00.000-08:00

When I told Jerome that I was feeling down on Friday, he jokingly said that the moodiness is one of the symptoms of a pregnancy. I told him that I'm feeling down because I fear another failed cycle. I'm on my 4th cycle of Clomid and Jerome had been working very hard too if you know what I mean.

He told me not to worry, we can take another 10 years if necessary. Now, I just have to stay positive and continue to look at the brighter side of things. He reminded me, for one I don't have to wake up at 5am in the morning to go to school anymore and I can do whatever I like at home. I actually have a lot of choices.

Indeed, I do have a lot of things to be grateful about. Before I start spiraling down the endless pit of self-pitiness & self-inflicted gloom, I should actually look at all the things I can be grateful about in my life.

* I'm happily married to a great guy who's really my greatest pillar of support. Yes, Jerome seems a little 'controlling' at times, but he always have good reasons. He has a good sense of humour and always make me laugh. He's confident and he's the kind who can strike up a conversation easily with anyone. I'm more of an introvert. Sometimes, I wonder how we ended up together. But really, he's my baby now.

* We now get to spend 24-7 together. It sounds incredible and somewhat unimaginable to some, but we're still as 'sticky' as ever. We're not at each other's neck yet. Well, i did marry him for better or worse, for 24 hrs a day. I enjoy cooking for him. He'll usually finish all the food that I've prepared and thanked me for the meal afterwards. Well, he also blamed me for his 20kg weight gain over the last 6 years. He really was a skinny man when I first met him. I was also slim then. Well, we've most definitely grown together over the years. For once my prayer was answered. "God, if you can't make me slimmer, make him fatter...".

* I've no financial worries. We're financially free. Like Jerome said, I don't not need to work for the money. Jerome gives me a comfortable monthly allowance, enough for me to give my parents, insurances, general spending and even some savings. And I'm quite 'low maintenance'. I've no qualms about going for a $5 haircut at my neighbourhood hairdresser. Other than buying children's books (I've stopped buying them for the moment), my biggest spending is on travelling as in going for holidays.

* I don't need to work. I am free to do whatever I like and just need to keep myself fruitfully occupied. I can do all the things I wouldn't have the time or energy to do when I've been busy teaching in school. I've learn to cook and bake in recent years. My father was 'shocked' as I've never knew how to cook anything before. Now, I can cook, bake and blog :) I've just taken my needles and started cross-stitching again. The next cross-stictching project will be Precious Moments "Noah's Arc" or maybe one with a baby. I can still have a couple of students for tuition to keep in touch with teaching. Jerome says it's really in me to teach :P, but I don't have to go to school to do it.

* I've took my parents on a holiday. I've glad that I've brought my parents on a fully-paid vacation to Zhangjiajie in September this year. It's my little way to pay back what my parents have given me. My parents did finance my Europe trip after my graduation from NUS and the last time I paid for their vacation was a cruise for the entire family in my first year in MOE. I had to take an interest-free installment plan then. In the past, I've been one who spent more than I earn.

* I am happy now. Yes, I have to admit. If I am not happy now, what can make me sure that I can only be happy when a baby comes along. I don't need a baby to complete our family. Yes, I would really want to have children that's a little of Jerome and a little of me. I would love to read and tell endless stories to our children. Jerome'll be a great father. We'll bring them to the parks and zoo. We will bring them to Toys"R"us and buy them all sorts of toys so that we can play with them too. These are all the nice scenarios that we've painted in our minds when the children come. But at the same time, I admit, I'm scared. I've enough experience teaching children with special needs and learning difficulties. I've a nephew who has serious autism and attends a special school. Another niece needs daily hormone injection to aid in her growth. So, I would rather be childless and happy than to have a child with special needs and become a parent who's always worried about the child. But guess that's one of the responsibility of becoming a parent. You worry. First you worry about the pregnancy, then the birth, growth, education (PSLE, O levels, A levels...), friends, relationships, work, marriage, family, etc... I think this reverse psychology works. Ah Q's Spirit at work again. I am happy now. I don't have to worry about so many things. I don't have a child to worry about...

Put On Hold...

2010-11-11T04:40:00.000-08:00

I feel my life is currently on a "put on hold" mode...

A couple of weeks ago, I tried my luck and asked Jerome whether we can go on our year end holiday to celebrate our wedding anniversary. My mother-in-law had postponed her operation to the end of the year so we could still go on a holiday and be back to take care of her post operation. The plan was that after her operation, she would move to our place so that I can help to take care of her. Jerome knows I love to travel so he agreed and asked me to check out tour groups to Taiwan since I've not been there.

So after calling a few agencies, we planned to book our tour the next day since vacancies were limited. The next day, we were driving to Chinatown when Jerome asked, "What if you are pregnant then?" We decided that it would then be risky to go traveling during the early stages of the pregnancy. So there goes my plan to travel.

I just had my driving license last month and am planning to get a second-hand car which will be convenient for me when I go for my tuition. At first, Jerome was the one who said he would get me a car if I've got my license. I had told him that I did not want a car as I don't really need it and public transport is convenient, etc... But I've since changed my mind. I would like to get a cute little hatchback. So Jerome said "Get 2 or 3 students to justify the cost of owing a car." So I got my students. But he changed his mind. He said I've just got my license, so there's no hurry into getting a car. I need to be more confident on the road first. Ya, but don't I need the practice?

So I asked him if he want me to take public transport and squeeze with other commuters when I'm pregnant? (not that pregnant women can't take public transport, but I thought that was a good reason/excuse to get a car) Then he rebutted and said it's dangerous to drive when I'm pregnant!? So don't take in so many pupils, he said. Just 2. ( I suspect he'll probably ask me to give up my tuition when I'm pregnant.) The car will probably be parked and not used for months when I give birth, etc...

So while I'm waiting every month to be finally pregnant, my life's simply put on hold...

The 1st priority as Jerome said for me was really to make a baby, meanwhile...

I can't go back to work.

I can't further my studies.

I can't go on holidays.

I can't get too many tuition assignments.

I can't get a car.

I can't even drink coffee or tea!
I can't eat too much fruits, too 'liang'.

I've to put everything else on hold...

Don't know how much longer I have to wait...

Don't know how much longer I can wait...

Happy Birthday!

2010-11-08T23:42:00.000-08:00

My birthday cake from Four Leaves

It's my birthday and through FB, I've receive lots of well wishes from ex-students, friends and relatives.
A year older, so what have I accomplish last year or over all these years?

A time to reflect...

As a wife...
As a mother-wanna-be...
As a daughter...
As a sister...
As a friend...
As a teacher...
on myself in general...

In the past, I would have started with the teacher part...

The most generous man I know...

2010-11-08T01:14:00.000-08:00

Jerome and I were invited to my father's friend (an Uncle Ho) 70th birthday party-dinner last Saturday. It was a grand celebration at a seafood restaurant for 38 tables of guests complete with a dragon dance troupe that kickstart the evening. I remember attending Uncle Ho's 50th Birthday at a revolving restaurant. I vaguely remember Auntie Ho taking care of me in their small dark flat when I was a toddler when both my parents were working. I kinda grow up with her children.

My father and Uncle Ho came from the same kampong in Malaysia and they met each other again through coincidence in Singapore. I always Uncle Ho as a proud Teochew who was proud of being a Teochew and was always preaching/lecturing about values and such.

His eldest son gave an opening speech about how his father came to Singapore from Malaysia with just $20 in his pocket and that was a loan. There was no shame about it. From his humble beginnings, he had brought up his 3 children- 2 boys and a girl in a 3-room flat by being a lorry driver.

Uncle Ho is not the one who made it big. It was his eldest son, at 35yrs old, now a millionaire (maybe a multi-one) residing at Singapore's prime location at Bukit Timah A brilliant kid who scored straight As and managed to get to Hwa Chong Institution, one of the top colleges in Singapore, on his way to University, ready for a bright future. Then he dropped out of school because of a shot-gun marriage.

Along the way, I know he tried to be a salesman of sorts, selling high-end products like mattresses, etc. I know because he got my father to buy one from him. I know that my parents have been helping their family in different ways.

Meanwhile, the second son was somehow getting into some troubles of his own. Uncle Ho got him to help my parents at their vegetable stall. So my parents employed him as a part-timer on weekends. The youngest daughter barely completed her secondary school education and got into another shot-gun marriage of her own. She married into Malaysia and together with her young husband, they would travel to & fro Malaysia and Singapore where they worked in a factory. Sad to say, their marriage didn't last. After having 3 children together, they divorced a few years back because the husband got himself a new girlfriend. Life's not perfect.

Anyway, back to the dinner... Uncle's Ho son was drinking far too much... He was loud and drunk, entertaining his friends. It was his father's birthday and he paid for it and he invited his friends. It looked like his wedding banquet that he didn't manage to hold years ago when he got married at young age.

When he finally came to our table, he knelt between my parents and told the 2 tables of relatives and friends that my father is his father's benefactor and he was very grateful to the help my parents had given to their family.

He looked at me and I smiled at him. He's drunk. Then he turned to Jerome and told him, "She is my sister. You better don't bully her. Take good care of her. Or else I'm going to come after you." I thought this was pretty funny, sounds like lines out of a script. I was kinda touched nevertheless. Now I suddenly have a brother who sticks out for me.

Then he went on to hit his chest and made a promise to repay my parents' kindness by helping my father's descendants if anyone needs it. I don't know how my parents really helped his family, but this sounds like a very serious promise from a drunk man.

I wonder if he could really keep his promise and help to right a wrong. When his brother came to help my parents at their vegetable stall, he was trusted with handling money. Temptation must have been too great as he helped himself to some extra pocket money. As time went on, he must have gotten bolder and took more. My mother noticed that the takings became significantly lesser on weekends. We are taking about hundreds of dollars here. It just didn't make sense where there were more customers on weekends but the takings were less than the weekdays. She noticed that when he was not around on certain weekends, the takings were more. So she found the theft and thief.

After my parents found out about the theft, they didn't confront him or tell Uncle Ho. They just gave him an excuse saying that they did not need his help on weekends anymore and tries to forget about the incident. It's human to err and we all makes mistakes in our youth.

Perhaps it's time to redeem himself, time to come clean, to clear his conscience. Yes, he had made a mistake then. We kept quiet about it but we knew what he did. Since he is now able (helping his elder brother in a new business), it'll be good for him to personally admit his mistake, apologise and repay the 'loan' that my parents had given him then. It'll be the right thing to do but of course, my parents have no such expectations.

Anyway, this is just a wild thought. Just to voice it out here...

Note about my parents and their way with $:
My father is a one of the most generous man I've ever known. Although not rich himself, but he will always help relatives and friends in need when he is able to. My mother will always spends hundreds buying foodstuff to give to relatives whenever we visit our relatives in Malaysia. When relatives visit us, they can expect an expenses all-paid for holiday. Sometimes, I think my parents' were being taken advantage of. Their mentality was "If we have money, we share." After the Sichuan Earthquake, my father donated an amount (I found out from my sister's blog) which shocked me. He's one generous man with a big heart. "If you like it, buy it." he would tell my mother, indulging her, encouraging her to spend on things not necessary. I used to 'spend money like water', spoilt by my parents, but I'm glad Jerome has 'cured' me. I was the one trying to curb my parents' spending when we went on a holiday recently, stopping them from buying too many things that they would eventually giving away anyway.

Teen Hacked to Death at Downtown East

2010-11-03T04:31:00.000-07:00

On Halloween night, a 19 yr old teen was attacked by a group of young men from 18-20 yrs. It started with a misunderstanding. He was caught staring at the group and the group took that up as a challenge and in turn got choppers and hacked him. Passer-bys were confused and thought it was a Halloween prank. The 19 year old died in hospital 5 hrs later.

This is madness! I feel sad for the family to lose a member through a sudden and violent death. And it just started with a stare? According to the teen's friend, he was a shy boy and he's probably looking stoned. And now what? Another 4 young men to die as a punishment for their crime? An eye for an eye. A life for a life?

Next time when you find someone staring at you, just smile back.

Across the Causeway

2010-11-03T04:16:00.000-07:00

Jerome and I went to Kulai, Malaysia last week for lunch. Yes, we travel to & fro just to have bak kut teh. He had a craving for the bak kut teh there. According to him, it's the best he had ever eaten.

Anyway, we were at the checkpoint and getting our passports stamped and I spotted a handwritten sign that read "Homemade Chocolate for Sale RM 20" with a box of chocolates displayed just next to it. Obviously, the customs officers are underpaid and are seeking additional sources of income...

That reminds me of the occasions we were 'caught' speeding ( we were just a few km above the speed limit) on the road and had to pay the traffic police. It's plain daylight robbery by the men in uniform actually. If only the officers are as efficient catching real criminals. I've heard so much about robberies in broad daylight. Fortunately, we are lucky so far. But a visit across the causeway always warrant extra care and being more wary about the people and surroundings.

Driving License

2010-10-15T08:56:00.000-07:00

After 17 sessions of 2hrs driving lessons over a period of 3 months in a driving school, I've finally got my driving license!

Had my first driving lesson on 13th July. And after 11 sessions, I completed the driving school's 30 lessons subjects and booked my Practical driving test on 16th August. The test date was 15th October and there was a 2-months wait. So I decided to take a 7 weeks break before doing a daily intensive revision a week before the actual test.

On Monday, I was still mounting curbs on the narrow courses and almost forgot about my parkings. Fortunately, my daily intensive revision lessons just before the test this morning helped. A total of 12 demerit points were given to me, all for road driving. Circuit all clear! Phew! A huge sigh of relief! Yeah!

After getting the test results, all the drivers who passed the practical driving test had to watch a 8minute video on road safety messages. There were lots of pictures of fatal accident scenes due to reckless driving and some horrible videos of actual accidents. It was like watching 8 full minutes of gruesome horror film. I hope I'm not getting any nightmares later...

Is this necessary? Well... Think it does serves as a good reminder that safe driving is essential. Instead of the usual road safety messages that tells you what to do, here's one that shows you what happened if one drives recklessly. Reverse psychology?

Anyway, I've got my P plate and tomorrow I'm going to try driving Jerome's car :) It's going to be challenging for me as it's a big continental car and Jerome has already briefed me on the differences in the controls. Keeping my fingers crossed...

Farewell Mrs Lee KY

2010-10-03T21:15:00.000-07:00

Mrs Lee Kuan Yew (Madam Kwa Geok Choo) considered the mother of Singapore, passed away last Saturday, 2nd October. She was 89. She was the amazing woman behind our minister mentor Lee Kuan Yew, the father of Singapore. Considered by some to be a man who was stern and 'ruled with an iron hand', she was according to him, his pillar of strength. The extraordinary woman who was intelligent (she topped the 1936 Senior Cambrige Examination for the whole of Malaya and Singapore), graceful, meticulous, an ideal wife and partner and a wonderful mother... She has truly lived a life that's extraordinary. A role model that I can look up to.

She had been bedridden after suffering from a series of strokes 2 years back. Yet, he remained faithful and talked to her daily, reading to her her favourite poems. Theirs is a great love story that touches me. Its really a marriage through sickness and health till death does part them...

My heartfelt condolences to our Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew, Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong and family to the loss of their beloved wife and mother. I wish the Lee family strength and the best of health.

Without her and the Lee family, Singapore wouldn't be what it is today.

For death is no more than a turning of us over from time to eternity - William Penn.

CNA special news report here.

A tribute to Mrs Lee KY-A tower of Strength.

We're living at the Border...

2010-08-27T19:46:00.000-07:00

I thought that it was interesting when Jerome's eldest brother made a remark that went something like that...

"Something must be wrong. A sister and her American husband are now in the States (sister's been there for close to 20 yrs). A brother and his family are in Australia, been there for 2 yrs and counting. And another one living at the border..."

Well, Jerome & I are living at the borders of Singapore. We can practically walk to Malaysia via the causeway. And everyday we see more of Malaysia from our windows.

I am a Malaysian but currently a Singapore PR. I have been staying in Singapore with my parents for as long as I could remember. But honestly, I have no desire to return to Malaysia. I think the "One Malaysia" dream will still take a long long time before it will come true.

Singapore has given me a lot of opportunities that I wouldn't have back in Malaysia. I'm glad that my parents moved out of Malaysia and into Singapore in the pursue of a better life. If we were to stay in Malaysia, I would most likely end up as a factory worker or something... Unless my parents are rich, I wouldn't have the opportunity to pursue a tertiary education.

Think Singapore is truly an amazing country and what it has accomplished is nothing short of a miracle. For an almost invisible red dot on the world map (think you'll need a magnifying glass to locate Singapore on the map) with limited land, no natural resources and uneducated people, it has definitely come a long long way to where we are today in just over 40 yrs. As compared to our neighbours who have lots of natural resources, we have developed much faster than all of them despite our limitations. The credit definitely goes to exceptional good governance.

Yes, the cost of living is high. Life can get stressful in Singapore. There are still lots of areas for improvement. But hey, nothing is truly perfect but you must admit that life's still good in Singapore and actually better than in many other countries! Be thankful for all the things that come easily to us. Sometimes I think Singaporeans are too pampered, me included. I do think of myself more of a Singaporean than a Malaysian, having spent most of my life here. Even if you are currently living overseas, enjoying a better quality of life, be thankful about what Singapore has given you so far so that you have more options now. 饮水要思源

So for Singaporeans and residents who like to complain about the 'garmen', don't take everything for granted... This is also a reminder for myself...

A Piece of Beautiful Sky

2010-08-03T07:43:00.000-07:00

The sky was beautiful, but couldn't quite capture it on camera...

Goh Family Gathering 2010

2010-08-02T20:53:00.000-07:00

The Goh family had a gathering at our place last Sunday afternoon for tea. The last time everyone was together was during our wedding 4 years ago. Jerome's elder sister returned from Ohio, USA for a month's visit and his younger brother returned from Perth, Australia. Here are some pictures taken...

The best way to entertain children while the adults are busy eating is to let them watch a nice cartoon- Ice Age!

Some credit to Po Po who also helped to entertain the young and not so young...

Yu Zuo, the youngest in the Goh family, super adorable!

Cheeky Kang Kang enjoying a slice of cake and egg tart...

"I don't want half! I can finish 1 on my own!" he insisted :)

Angela and Yu He...

The old & young ladies of the Goh family...

Time for a family photo...

Can see that Jerome & I are the 'chubbier' ones in the family?

Jerome kept complaining that I'm a negative influence :P

A fun shot!!!

It was a great family gathering... I hope everyone had enjoyed my bakes :)

View From Our Windows

2010-07-28T06:48:00.000-07:00

When we started looking for a flat 2 years ago, we wanted one with a 'view'- one with windows looking out to the park, garden, etc... We didn't want one that faces the corridor, school or the carpark.

I'm glad we found what we wanted...

The only minus is that it's 2 hours from my work place...
Well, I'm not working now... so that's no longer an issue...

A Visit to Woodlands Waterfront

2010-07-23T01:38:00.000-07:00

Jerome's younger brother & family came for a visit yesterday afternoon. They are back for a 2 weeks visit from Perth, Australia. We went to the park in the evening. Here are some pictures of the children and the young at heart having fun :)

Meeting with the Ms Tans

2010-07-21T00:00:00.000-07:00

Met up with 3 'old' friends from NIE (National Institute of Education) last Friday for afternoon tea. We have known each other for about 10 years now since we went to NIE for our trainings to be teachers. We are the '4 Musketeers' or the '4 Ms Tans', always hanging out with one another back in NIE. We were all very passionate about teaching.

Ever since we started teaching, we have not been able to meet up very often. Hence, when J arranged for a meet up, I was very excited. I actually can't remember when was the last time the 4 of us had met up together. Maybe it was during my housewarming some 4 years ago?

Anyway, the irony is that none of us is currently teaching in school. 2 of them have coincidentally resigned in the beginning of the year. The other 2 of us are currently on No Pay Leave (NPL). See how much we have in common?

Together, we have more than 30 years of teaching experience and well trained...
1 is an experienced GEP-Math teacher for over 5 yrs
1 is experienced LSC who's also Brain Gym trained and got a 2 yr diploma from Britain to help children with dyslexia.
1 is an experienced LSM, who went HQ, got a MOE scholarship, & currently doing her masters in applied psychology.
Hence, it's a pity if we're not going to teach anymore.

Other than catching up with one other's lives, there were also proposals for businesses, something for us to collaborate together again :) One wanted to open a tuition centre, another wanted to open a student care centre. If you're working so hard, you might as well work hard for yourself & be rewarded... They're really thinking about starting their own businesses related to education.

Me? I was only thinking about my trip to Phuket the following day.

Anyway, went home and told Jerome about all these talks about businesses and making $ (Work less & Earn More :P) Jerome said I can forget about starting a business, I'm a lousy business person. For now, I can just worry about cooking delicious meals at home, pick up some life skills (eg. driving), bake and sell some cookies, just relax and enjoy and have a baby. And I can leave the $-making business to him...

Learning to Drive

2010-07-13T06:34:00.000-07:00

Went for my first driving lesson today... well, not really my first time...
My first driving lesson was back during my Uni days. I had tried to get my driving lessons over 10 yrs ago until I was involved in an accident.

I was having my last practice session before my practical driving test when it happened. We were at the traffic junction when the traffic lights turned red. I stopped the car and waited for the arrow light to turn right. There was a motorbike on my left. When the arrow light appeared, I drove off. The motorbike of course went ahead and as he was turning, he skidded (there were gravel on the road) and fell in front of my car. I immediately jammed brake.

Of course at that instant, I couldn't see the motorcyclist. He was directly in front of the car or under it...
My driving instructor was looking at the newspapers and was only aware of the accident when I jammed brake. He opened his car door and swore. Apparently, my left front tyre was on the man's hand. He told me to reverse the car. Thinking back, I am glad that I didn't do anything horrendous like stepping on the accelerator accidentally and really running over that poor man... I've heard enough stories of drivers who accidentally step on the accelerator instead of the brakes.

Fortunately, there was an eyewitness who gave an account of what happened and that I was not at fault, that I did not hit the motorist causing him to skid. The traffic police came, the ambulance came. The traffic police said that the accident was a 'good experience' for me so that I would know how to react in an accident in future. I was told to go ahead with my practical test.

When I returned home and told my mum about the accident, she tried to encourage me by saying that experienced drivers also get into accidents. Then she went on to tell me about a recent accident about someone who drove up the pavement and killed 2 pedestrians along the way. What an encouragement... I chickened out... I didn't go for my practical driving test.

After that accident, I kind of have a phobia of driving. I prefer to just be a passenger. I don't want to be held responsible for another person's life. I'm wary of motorcyclist riding near to cars. They weave in and out of traffic, I fear for their lives.

Anyway, public transport in Singapore is just so convenient. Hence, there's really no need for one to drive or own a car. Owning a car in Singapore is expensive. The COE (Certificate of Entitlement) to own a car for 10 years cost about $30-40k. Then there's road tax, ERP (Electronic Road Pricing), expressways that are jammed..., I don't believe in getting a car at all.

So if I don't like to drive and don't believe in owning a car, why am I learning to drive? Jerome said that driving is a life skill. Well, I've survived without a driving license for over 30 years... Well, but really in case of an emergency, I can drive... And since I'm not working now, with time on my hands, it's a good time to pick up driving once again.

And it certainly helps when the driving school is a 5-minutes bus ride away...

Learning to Knit

2010-07-13T05:32:00.000-07:00

Like a pair of chopsticks on blue noodles...

I bought myself the knitting needles and yarn on Saturday from Daiso, thinking of starting to learn to knit. It was really difficult trying to understand the instructions... I'm stuck... for the time being... Going to try harder...

Prawn Fishing

2010-07-12T00:49:00.000-07:00

Jerome and I started going for prawn fishing some couple of years back. We would always visit the pawning pond just behind the country club in Marina South. The pond was always very crowded even in the middle of the night. The workers would be releasing prawns every hour and the catch was good. We could easily catch over 30 prawns in 3 hours with a rod. When we found out that the pond was closing, we visited there every weekend. We would have a rod each and compete to see who caught more prawns. The loser will have to pay for the rods.

After the pond was closed, we tried prawn fishing in other places. But nothing beats our prawning experience at Marina South. Now, occasionally we would visit the prawning ponds at Bishan. There are Barbeque pits so you have the options of grilling your prawns. We always bring our prawns home to cook them in other dishes.

Well, it's definitely expensive prawns but it's really for the fun...

Simple Joys

2010-07-12T00:19:00.000-07:00

Last Friday evening, Jerome & I cycled to the Woodlands Coast Park after dinner. The 1st phase of the park was recently completed and the 2nd phase will be completed by the end of the year. We jog there at least twice a week and cycle there once a week. Then we'll enjoy the ice-cream sandwiched in crispy wafer biscuits. Enjoying an ice-cream is one of the simple things that will always make me happy :)

Hmm... I should probably make some ice-cream at home :)

A Visit to NLB

2010-07-07T03:37:00.000-07:00

Just went to the library earlier to borrow some cook books but in the end I returned with 5 books and none of them is a cook book :P Hmm... come to think about it, it's my first visit this year to borrow books for myself.

Borrowed this Eyewitness Travel Guidebook as we're going to Phuket the next weekend!

It's my first trip to Phuket. It'll be a great short getaway. Jerome had wanted to go to Tioman but the air tickets there are about 40% more expensive than the air tickets to Phuket. The last getaway we had was during the CNY when we went to a nice resort at Batam.

I've bought and read Julie Powell's "Julie and Julia" about how she started a blog to document her experience in trying out all the recipes in Julia Child's French cookbook. Well, she became famous, very famous and her story's been made into a movie last year. See... ordinary women in the kitchen who became famous... Hmm... when's my turn? :P

Picked up these two books at the Crafts Section... Yap, going to learn to knit... Wait & see...

Jobless Again...

2010-06-30T22:26:00.000-07:00

I'm on my long no pay leave and I'm really thankful that I don't have to wake up up 5am and spend more than 3 hours commuting on public transport daily anymore. I'm now just a simple woman, a home maker. Life's simple. Just always thinking about the next meals...

Colleagues said that some envied me. Hubby calls me to quit my job and be a housewife. It's not as if I'm living as a 'Tai-Tai', some rich housewife who goes for facials, massage, shoppings and hi-teas, etc... I must confess that without work, I'm really quite stress-free... I have time to do many other things that I had no time for in the past.

Well, I've finally visited the dentist to get my wisdom teeth extracted and don't even need Medical Leave cos I'm already on leave...

Though now I have all the time in the world, I don't feel like going out. No shopping at Orchard Road... No hi-tea with friends (haven't got any recent invites). Just wanna laze around at home, thinking of bakes and cakes, playing God on my I-Phone (Godfinger)...

Haven't even gone to sign up for my driving lessons and practical tests... Also thinking about taking some Wilton Cake decorating classes, teach tuition to a couple of kids in my neighbourhood, volunteer somewhere, bringing my parents for a holiday,... But thoughts have not transformed into practical actions yet... I'm now living in the slow pace... taking time.... I'm guilty of wasting time...

I had a dream last night. I dreamt of giving birth to a cute little baby, feeding it, taking care of it, loving it... It was so real...

Clearing My Work Station Again

2010-06-25T05:39:00.000-07:00

Today is the last day of the school holiday and I went back today TRYING to clear my work station. I realized that it's a mission impossible!

Found things that I've bought still in their plastics. Guilty of buying things that I don't need but thought I need... Boxes of gifts and stationery for children... children books... educational cards games, expired snacks... an ostrich egg...
Incredible amount of stuff I've accumulated over the years for my teaching... The amount of $ I've spent...
I can't possibly bring everything home...

Decided that I'm going to have the GSS (Great Sheryl's Sale). Everything has to go! Well, as much as possible...

Real Riches

2010-06-17T07:08:00.000-07:00

My New MacBook Pro

2010-06-17T07:05:00.000-07:00

Got myself a MacBook Pro :) My first Mac! Have been thinking of getting a Mac for quite some time now. Bought it on the Apple Store, with a promotion that gives a free IPod Touch after rebate. So spent most of my time playing with my new toy :)

MacBook Pro- definitely sleek, cool and powerful!

Still finding my way around Mac...

My Beautiful Nieces

2010-06-14T00:06:00.000-07:00

Jerome's eldest brother has 3 beautiful daughters :)

Ke Ke & HeHe

Zuo Zuo with her big round eyes...

I've baked a cake for Zuo Zuo for her 1st birthday just so that she can mess it up :P

It was just so funny to observe her responses.

Jerome laughed the loudest and he had such a good laugh...

I'm just concerned whether she'll messed up all cakes in future...

Ke Ke, a book worm, appearing as a silly monkey...

This is actually a very interesting book with a hole for all the animals :)

He He as a grizzly bear...

Clearing Up

2010-05-25T20:16:00.000-07:00

Have been clearing up my work station for the past 2 weeks now, bit by bit. Been lugging home 2 full bags of books and stuff every day. 10% home, another 90% to go... Can't imagine how much books and stuff I have accumulated over the past few years. I think the $ I've spent on children's books is more than a luxurious trip to Europe!

Actually I've started my own collection of children's books since my NIE days. I've always been interested in books and stories. Hmm... think I started collecting books since my primary school days...To date, as a conservative estimate, I should have not less than 500 books, maybe even 1000? I've always have a well-stocked class library to encourage my children to read. Knowing that many of their parents do not bring them to the national library and at that time, the school library did not have a really good collection, I provided a conducive reading corner in class and for allowing the children to borrow the books home, hoping to pass on the passion for reading.

What about all my furniture? I've a 3-seater couch, an antique coffee table (left from Jerome's business), 6 book shelves, 4 long book shelf cum bench, plastic cabinets. Yes, incredible, but the school is like my home. I do spend more waking hours in school than at home. Wonder if I can have a garage sale in school to sell all my stuff... Hopefully I can get enough $ to buy my KitchenAid...

Anyway for the time being, the books are going to sit at home and occasionally entertain the children who will visit. Wonder when I can share some of my favourite stories again...

Last Day of School

2010-05-25T18:25:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the last day of school for Semester 1. The teachers will be meeting the parents these 2 days to give out the report books and talk about the children's performance, etc.

12.30p.m. I went down to the office to look for Mr W, the P, to submit my resignation letter. I had wanted to submit my resignation letter last Friday, but he was not in school. Then because of Jerome's sensitivity to numbers, he said that it was not good to submit it yesterday (May 24- sounds like I'm dying of hunger in chinese). So after class, when I saw his car at his usual parking lot, I quickly grabbed the chance to see him.

First, we talked about something else... my pupil. I presented him with a big A4 white envelope containing samples of a pupil's work. It was a case of trying to persuade the parent to send the child to a special school as she is not learning much in school. At 11 yrs, she still can't write a simple sentence independently, eg, "My name is ________________." And she's suppose to take the PSLE next year...

Then I presented the smaller envelope to him. He looked at me puzzled. I mumbled "my resignation letter..."
He opened up the envelope and read the letter and the resignation form (Yap, there is actually a resignation form downloadable from HR. There are boxes to tick for the reasons to leave. There are options that include stress, long hours, distance, etc. I wonder if people do really tick the real reasons. Anyway, I've selected others and stated family affairs. There should be one for Trying to Conceive) So as he was reading, I was feeling nervous, anticipating his questions that will follow. I'm afraid I'm going to cry...

Finally, he looked up and asked "You are leaving the service?"
"Yes." I replied with a forced smile, trying to blink back the tears I could already feel.
"For good?" he asked again.
"Well... at least for the time being." I replied.

He then suggested that I should take no pay leave to settle the 'family affairs' istead of just resigning unless I'm thinking of getting another job after leaving. It will be difficult to return to the service after resigning. I'll have to go through the interview process again, etc... So go home and discuss the option with husband first but submit the leave form asap...

So in the end, I walked out of his office with my resignation letter still in my hands...

Kelong Trip over Labour Day Long weekend

2010-05-11T20:41:00.000-07:00

Down with a flu at home today with nothing to do so here I am...

This is a 2D1N Sibu kelong fishing trip over the long weekend a fortnight ago...

Sunday Morning: Kiang Kee Claypot Bak Kut Teh Breakfast at 800a.m...

Popular among many locals and Singaporeans who know about this. This place was located next to the road in the middle of nowhere. There are no other buildings in sight.... Had wanted to take some pictures of the food but totally forgot about it when the food arrived :P This is still the best bak kut teh I've eaten...

We took a 45 min boat ride to the Kelong on a small boat. Unfortunately, the engine was overheated along the way and we were stuck in the middle of nowhere... The avid 'fisherman' didn't waste time and started fishing... Before he could catch anything, the boat was ready to go again...

View of the kelongs from the boat...

We had the kelong almost all to ourselves as it was non-peak. There were less than 20 occupants. The kelong was actually fully booked just a day before with over 100 occupants. Btw, that's Mum and Dad fishing... Jerome brought the rods and prepared everything else...

A look at our accomodation. You can see and hear everyone sleeping at one glance. Not much of a privacy. Imagine if it's fully occupied!

And yes, before you knew it, before we had a chance to catch any fish, it was time for lunch... For less then RM$155/pax , you get a trip to the kelong, a bed or rather a mattress to sleep (if you want to), 5 meals (lunch, dinner, supper, breakfast and lunch) and free flow of coffee, tea and biscuits in tins. Think we shouldn't complain.

Other than fishing, it's just time to sit back and do nothing... and enjoy the beautiful scenery...

My aunts and their catch... Actually it was given to them by another group who caught the dead fish. They had wanted to throw it away but one of my aunts thought it was a waste and decided to use it to make salted fish. Ironic that these two did not have a fishing rod and totally not into fishing managed to go home with the biggest catch :P

Jerome managed to catch a squid after his giant fish got away when his fishing line snapped... He was telling me that the fish was more than 2 arms length and the guy next to him actually dropped his jaws. Unfortunately, I didn't manage to catch the action. Better luck next time?

My Neighbours

2010-04-21T06:05:00.000-07:00

I live in a point block, so I have 3 neighbours/families living on my level. We have shifted here for 2 years now and we're still at the smile-and-nod head to hi-bye level of relationship with our neighbours. The most we managed was some small talk in the lift.

At first, we've tried to keep our wooden doors open when we're home, but security became an issue when 1 of our bicycles got stolen. And on another occasion, Jerome caught 2 men in an obsence act just at the staircase outside our flat. So Jerome decided it's a 'close-door policy' after all.

When we first shifted in, we actually presented some fruits to out next door neighbour. My parents had given us the fruits when they returned from a trip from Malaysia. So we've decided to share the fruits and attempt to make some new friends. They are a young couple just like us. Unfortunately, since our 'fruits offering', we have since only progressed to smile and nod head, small talk level of relationship. After the initial introduction, I've since forgotten their names :P

Anyway, I met this neighbour on my way home earlier this evening. I found her familar and realised that it was my next door neighbour. As she approached me, I noticed that she was rubbing her stomach with her hands. Suddenly I realised that she's pregnant, looks about 5-6 months pregnant. Envy... I smiled at her and she smiled back at me. I wonder if she recognised me as her neighbour or she's just smiling because she's happy she's pregnant...

She'll probably be having her maternity leave and caring for her new baby in a few months time. I'm also a full-time housewife then. I can cook and bring over food and I can play with her baby? A new friend, finally? Something to look forward to after July...

Job Satisfaction

2010-04-21T05:41:00.000-07:00

A friend was telling me that she feels depressed after looking at her payslip every month. After being in the school for over 4 yrs as an adjunct teacher, she had been and remained grossly underpaid. No benefits, no bonuses, no increments. I was shocked when she revealed the amount that she's paid. I had been getting more allowance from Jerome when I was on leave last year! No wonder she was feeling depressed... She's one of the best and most committed teachers I've ever known. She's also super capable. So she definitely deserves a pay increase and more recognition.

For one intending to quit the job soon, I found that I was quick to encourage her by looking at the other areas of school that give us a greater sense of satisfaction. Like simple enjoyment of doing the things we like, making a difference in the lives of the children, etc..., more than the financial rewards... We truly enjoy our job.

My work has indeed given my life more meaning. If I'm to stop working, stop being a teacher what's really left of me? I wonder... life 2 months later, without my job, what am I going to do...

Baby Blues...

2010-04-20T05:30:00.000-07:00

School has kept me busy... leaving me little time to dwell on things like having a baby...
even start having thoughts of postponing having a baby... just not a good time... too busy with work...
as if I've any control over it in the first place...
Haven't give it much thought, actually not as much thoughts as I had during my leave from work...
Of course when one's not working, there's the illusion of having all the time in the world to make things happen...

Work keeps me occupied, I'm satisfied... comfortable...

Then...
Just stumbled upon some photographs that a friend posted on her FB... photographs of her new born baby boy... so cute...
The miracle of life... amazing... from something microscopic... 9 months...
A miraculous new life...

Wonder why it's just so difficult...

Special Bear

2010-04-01T09:30:00.000-07:00

During my 1-month work attachment at an international school in Dec 2007, I was very fortunate to be observing a Grade 2 class where the teacher got a Special Bear for the class. The children will take turns to bring the teddy bear home and help to write the journal of the bear. The next day, the teacher will share with the class regarding the 'adventures' of the bear by reading the bear's journal. The children were excited to bring the bear home and they always look forward to listening to the bear's experiences at their classmates' home.

So back in school, I got my own special bear in 2008 and started my own Special Bear's Journal with my Primay 3 class. The children took turns to bring the bear, the journal and a digital camera (my 1st Sony Digital camera) home . Initially, I was unsure if the children would find a teddy bear too childish. Fortunately, they were very enthusiatic and everyone wanted to bring the bear home.

What's good about the Special Bear's Journal?
It was a great way to get children to get really interested in writing.
It gives more meaning to their writing as their writing get shared the following day.
I get to model some editing as I share the journal with the children over the visualizer.
It's a way of getting to know the child & family better through the pictures that the child has taken and journal written.
They learn to be more responsible. Even the children who seem to forget about submitting forms and doing homework will diligently write the journal and bring the Bear back the very next day.
Of course, it was a great way to encourage the children to write their own journals and promote other desirable behaviours in class...

After staying at home sitting on the shelf for a year, I'm sure Special Bear must have felt delighted to be back in the limelight again. The new class I'm taking is equally enthusiatic about bringing Special Bear home. Next week, SB will be going to the zoo with the children :)

Special Bear enjoying a picnic...

Special Bear looking at the children learning to swim...

Dinner Prepared by Hubby

2010-04-01T08:48:00.000-07:00

Came home to a nicely prepared dinner by Jerome :)

There was a pot of soup and a plate of baked beans too!

Just ignore the newspaper :P

Retirement after 41 yrs of service

2010-04-01T08:37:00.000-07:00

A teacher proudly retired on 31st March after 41 years of service... An amazing feat!

As the principal put it, it's an incredible amount of passion, perserverance and resilience to stay in the same vocation for 41 yrs.

"I'll be back!" she promised. She'll be taking a 10 weeks break before returning to school as an adjunct teacher.

I'm just in my 8th year...

It's a great day!

2010-03-25T06:55:00.000-07:00

Finally back to school, or rather seeing the children again, today after the 1 week break and the 3 days of training.1st period of the day met my new full class of P3 EL children. Have heard stories about some children who were involved in different 'adventures' and had to be sent to the vice-principal and the principal in Term1. Have been warned by the form-teacher about some children who are prone to misbehaving and those I need to 'keep an eye on'. But amazingly, everyone's really well-behaved. Maybe it's the first day and they're trying to make a good impression and putting up their best behaviours.

I read "Miss Nelson Is Missing" to the children. It's a story that I love to share on the first day of school before we set class rules, etc. The story is about a kind teacher who had the worst-behaved class in the whole school. So the teacher decided to go missing one day and a substitute teacher, Miss Viola Swamp, came. Yap, with a name like that, the teacher was a indeed a 'witch' and the children were terrified of her. They missed nice Miss Nelson. Eventually Miss Nelson returned to class and all the children learned their lesson and behaved well. Well, of course, Miss Viola Swamp was actually Miss Nelson in disguise.

During the story, everyone was fully attentive. Well, guess everyone loves a story :) Of course, the message learned from the story is simple- If you want your teacher to be nice and loving like Miss Nelson, then you need to be well-behaved, pay atttention in class, respect the teacher, etc. If you want your teacher to become Miss Viola Swamp, you just have to make her angry...

It's also great that the children are doing the story "The Mystery of Missing Big Wig" this week so I could also draw some parallels between the 2 stories. The children were excited and the discussions were lively.
I've enjoyed teaching the class. It's a great difference from the previous P3 classes and the P5 class that I'm teaching, still struggling to read. It's a refreshing change.

After school & remedial for the P5s, I stayed back in school preparing some resources. I was so engrossed in whatever I was doing that when Jerome called me at 6pm, I was still in school! I have lost track of time. Just before I left school, I've checked my pigeon hole and found a book "Teaching is Heartwork", left by the P, meant to be put in the school library for teachers. It was a compilation of reflections and personal experiences from some beginning teachers. I took the book and read some of the stories during my bus-ride home. Some of the stories struck a cord in me. I can relate to the teachers and their experiences.

By the time I've reached home, it's close to 8p.m. Hmm... when I left home in the morning, it was dark. When I'm home again, it's still dark. When will I see daylight? I'm tired but I still feel great! Maybe the only thing that was not so great was when I spent a minute digging in my big bag for my keys and was almost in a panic when I realised I have beening holding them in my hand all the time.

Told Jerome that this new P3 class had 3 different teachers in Term 1 and I'm the 4th! If I'm leaving after this term, there'll be a 5th! I'm having 2nd thoughts about resigning in June already. Jerome said don't think about it and reminded me that noone was irreplaceable in any organisation.

He told me that he called his mum today and among other things they've talked about, he had thought it was time to make an 'announcement' to his mum that we're now trying for a baby. Err... yap, true I've announced to the world that we're trying for a baby. But telling his mum is really putting the pressure... to produce results... soon... Not too good at all...

LSP Certification

2010-03-24T07:01:00.000-07:00

After 16 days of about 130hrs of intensive training, I've finally completed my LSP (Learning Support Programme) training of Phase 19! Hmm.. and not just LSP, it's the Enhanced LSP. We're presented with a certificate that 'proved' that we are 'certified' LSCs and hence highly sought after by schools. Really?

I've learned many useful strategies and lots of rules that I've never been really aware before. The entire programme is targetted at helping the weak English language learners who lack exposure to the language, come from non- English language speaking homes or lack home support.

Can't remember how I manage to learn the English Language in the first place... I'm most probably a weak learner too when I was young. I may be dyslexic too, always mixing up my b and d, p and q. I hated spelling. I remembered an occasion when I threaten to kill myself because I didn't want to go to school the next morning as I have not learned my dictation. But somehow, I've survived that ordeal and now I give spellings and dictations :)

My parents are not educated, they only completed their Primary School education in Malaysia. Both of them started working since 12. My parents' stories deserve telling and more elaboration some other days. So bottom line is they're not much of a help in terms of academic help, but I remembered having tutors... Perhaps without their help, I wouldn't have 'survive' the education system? But then again, the syllabus was not so intensive then... During my time, it was still Mr Wolee and Mr Yakee...

Meeting an 'old' friend

2010-03-23T06:15:00.000-07:00

I must admit that I'm a lousy & lazy friend. I'm really not good at keeping in contact with people. I seldom take up the initiative to arrange to meet up with friends. At first, friends tried to arrange for meet ups but I would always be too busy with work or tired after work to meet up. Then once I'm with Jerome, free-time is naturally spent with him. After rejecting invitations often enough, friends eventually don't ask.

Today during lunch break, I was walking aimlessly around the shopping mall with my free Ben & Jerry's ice-cream. As I took the escalator down, I saw the backview of a woman with a hairstyle I found familiar. (I'm not usually a very observant person who would always go around looking for people I know. Jerome says I'm quite a blur person. You'll probably have to stand in front of me and wave before I recognise you.) Anyway, she was on the phone and as I walked closer to her, I realised that it was Bi Fang, a JC cum Uni friend. I have not seen her for years and have lost contact with her. I waved my hand in front of her and she instantly recognized me and told the person over the phone that she saw me. She was on the phone with her sister. I'm relieved that she could still remember my name.

She was actually with her 3 yr-old son and her husband, Yong Fa. He used to tease me about my weight back in Uni :P She has not changed much after all these years. We tried to catch up with each other and I tried to get some updates about other common friends. Found out that another friend has already give birth to a second child, already 8 months old. Hmm... See how out of touch I am...

Seem like everyone's been pretty 'productive'. Another reason why I dislike meeting up with friends... They're probably talking about pregnancies, babies, first months celebrations, 1st birthdays, etc... then asking me the same...
Nevertheless, I'm happy to meet an old friend today. I must put in more effort to keep in touch.

Ben & Jerry's Day

2010-03-23T05:52:00.000-07:00

Today is Ben & Jerry's Day! A chance to queue for a free ice-cream cone :)

Was lucky to be attending a workshop located in a school just a few minutes away from a shopping mall with a Ben & Jerry's outlet. So during lunch break, a few of us decided to queue for an ice-cream cone!

The long queue that snakes round and round...

Fortunately, the queue moves quite fast and in 15 minutes we're in the front...

Checking out the flavours for the day...

I chose Chocolate Macadamia :)

The ice-cream angels scooping ice-cream all day long...

I wonder if it's a good workout...

or if looking at ice-cream all day long will make one fat...

Observed that quite a number of people actually rejoined the queue after getting their cone...

Hmm...

Actually, I think this is the 1st time I've tried a Ben & Jerry's ice-cream and I've enjoyed it. Rich and and creamy, but not too sweet. Lovely!
I'm going to get myself more ice-cream soon...

Julie & Julia

2010-03-22T05:09:00.000-07:00

Think this is the first book I've read for pleasure this year... For a library coordinator, promoting reading in school, I'm ashamed to make this confession...

Bought the book "Julie and Julia" by Julie Powell from Borders last Tues. Was actually looking for books for the school library but saw that there are some "3-for-2" books on offer. Chose this book to try get some inspiration on what to do come July. Yap, it's the book that's made into a movie, based on the real life of Julie.
Julie was getting sick of her own life and came up with a project- to cook all the 524 recipes in "Mastering The Art of French Cooking" by Julia Child in a year. She documented her experiences in her blog "What Could Happen?" as well. She became famous and well, the rest is history.

Managed to complete the book in 3 days during my bus rides.
As I read the book, I could relate to Julie. Beside coooking and blogging, she's also trying for a baby. Last year, during my leave from work, I started 2 blogs to 'kill' time and to 'talk'. I'm glad to have a place to share about my experiences and reflections. Friends, relatives and people from all around the world visited my blogs. I would check into my blogs daily to check on the number of visitors and look forward to recieving comments. My last entry was a Christmas log cake. I've not been updating my food blog as I've been too busy at work and not cooking and baking enough.

Looking back at my blog, I wonder how I managed to come up with all the cakes... I fear I have lost the touch...

How to Train Your Dragon

2010-03-21T07:12:00.000-07:00

Went to catch the sneak preview of "How To Train Your Dragon" in 3D yesterday night. It was the 1st time we watch an entire movie in 3D. We have experienced 4D short movie before.

We've really enjoyed the movie, the story, the graphics, the effects, the characters and the jokes. Jerome said that the movie is even better than "Avatar". We definitely getting the DVD when it's out. Watching the movie in 3D is an amazing experience. I've trully enjoyed myself and it's worth the extra cost. Looking forward to wacthing more movies in 3D in the future.

Daily Decisions

2010-03-21T06:55:00.000-07:00

19 March, Fri
End of the 1 week 'break', exhausted. Felt I've recieved the last straw. Decided I'm going to throw in the towel, submitting the letter once I'm back in school the following week.

20 March, Sat
Relaxing on the boat while Jerome was fishing. Decided that I'm going to complete Semester 1 after the children's examinations. Don't want to cause too much disruptions.

21 March, Sun
Recieved an SMS about the crediting of my performance bonus into my bank account when I was expecting none for taking a 6-months leave last year. The school is good to me. Told Jerome about it. Hmm... Maybe I should stay till the end of the year... But once I stay till the end of the year, I might as well stay another year and get my Connect Plan Payout... Meanwhile, my biological clock is ticking away and I'll be 35yrs then...

Jerome reminded, "Stay focused, just stay till June!"

My Years As A Teacher

2010-03-19T08:30:00.000-07:00

Looking back at my years in the teaching service...
The children I've taught have taught me much more...
I hope that they have fond memories of the time we had together...
Being a teacher has made me more than I can ever be...
Teaching has been the most interesting and exciting part of my life for many years...
I've given my best years to teaching....
It's time I do something else...

2001- The 1st Year
Had my teaching practicum in a primary school in the North with a P2 class for English and a P4 class for Maths and Science. I could remember that somehow I've managed to share a theme-related story everyday with my English class. Within a few short weeks, I've managed to build up such a good rapport with the P2 class that they cried on my last day of the practicum, making me cry along with them...

Was posted back to the same school and became the form-teacher of a P5 EM1 class. Their form-teacher had gone to another school, promoted to a HOD. I had big shoes to fill. There were some resistance, they missed their teacher. It was the best class of the level. I was a beginning teacher, finding my way, going all out to fulfil my calling as a teacher, bringing lessons to life the best I know how. My class is in the afternoon session, but I would be in school daily by 7am, catching a lift from my father. I would be busy preparing for lessons, materials and resources. I was always in school, Saturdays too... A teacher said,"Go get a life!" I smile at her and thought, "This is my life!" I don't remember taking any leave at all.

I remembered sharing lots of stories with the children. Now, looking back, I wonder if they remember... (I remembered that my P5 English teacher read "The Twits" by Roald Dadhl.) For Science lessons on disperal of seeds, I would visit the Botanical Gardens, trying to look for various samples of seeds just so I could show them in class. I remembered after a particular Science lesson, a girl actually bothered to come up personally to me and thanked me especially for the very interesting lesson. After all these years, I wonder what they remember... I still have 5A Class Journal.

Thank you 5A for the wonderful memories. You will always have a special place in my heart. Now, you're all so grown up, either in the Poly or the Uni. I probably won't be able to recognise anyone if I'm to see you on the street.

To be continued...

The Final Straw...

2010-03-19T07:19:00.000-07:00

I've got the sign I was looking for today...

Was grabbing a quick lunch during the 2nd day of my workshop when I recieved a call to inform me that my time-table's going to change as well as 1 of my classes. From a small class of weak language learners to a full class of 40. It's Friday afternoon, I'm in the middle of a workshop, I'm away for 3 full day trainings out of school next Mon-Wed... Where's the time to plan for relief for a brand new class?

Ironically, I had actually volunteered to teach this new class in the beginning of the year as the teacher was on long medical leave. Somehow, because of the time-tabling, I was not able to then. Now, it seemed that the time-table is fine now. Why the change now?

Well, as they say, the only constant is change. You just have to adapt to it...

It was raining when I left school at 6pm. The bus was really packed and I was standing right infront, beside the bus-driver, staring at the traffic stuck in the jam. I suddenly had a most depressing thought that I don't even want to pen it down... It was an unusually long bus ride... perhaps because I couldn't get a seat and had to stand for an hr with my big bag and heavy laptop... perhaps of the group of rowdy Indian teenagers who were making a nuisance of themselves... perhaps I had an unually heavy heart...

Reached home finally at 8pm. Jerome was so hungry that he didn't even wanna talk.
I was too tired, hungry & depressed to do the same.
After dinner, asked Jerome about his appointment to KKH to analyse his troops.
He said there were another 2 guys there accompanied by their wives.
He's the lone ranger. Well, his wife was ironically in school in a sexual education workshop.

Then I told Jerome about my day and my decision.
He's happy that I've made my decision now but had to remind me that he was angry with me when I decided to return to teaching full-time in the beginning of the year. He had wanted me to do part-time work initially.
He could see that I was losing my focus, having the wrong priorities once back in school.
School has once again consumed me...
I should have listened to him right from the beginning...
Part-time or just quit...
And save everyone the trouble that's coming...

He could see this coming... me throwing in the towel...

Jerome said I should feel happy that I've made the right decision....

Well... this 1 week 'break' has left me broken...

Tomorrow will be a better day...

It's a sign! Make it 2! What about a 3rd?

2010-03-18T06:47:00.000-07:00

After my post about my tough decision, I've recieved 2 responses. I'm quite surprised that there's still friends reading my blog given that I post so infrequently.

Anyway, I recieved an SMS from an ex-colleague yesterday after she read my post. She resigned from the teaching service about 2 years ago. She shared her experience and that she did not regret her choice of resigning then. She said that I should follow my heart. She suggested doing adjunct teaching at a school nearer to home.

Today, recieved a comment from yet another ex-colleague who resigned from the service about 5 years ago. She has since got a master degree (and getting another?) is now happily teaching and living in Hong Kong. She also did not regret her choice back then. She shared "Someone in his deathbed will not lament that he had not work hard enough or earn more money, but would regret not spending more time with loved ones and doing things that he like." Hmm...

So 2 ex-teachers encouraging me to resign...
Also thinking of another 2 friends who resigned from the service early this year.
And yes, this is only March...

Are these signs that I've been waiting for? Is a 3rd sign coming up?

Just like fairy tales, '3' seems like a magical number...
The 3 Little Pigs, Goldilocks and the Three Bears, The Magic Fish (that granted 3 wishes)...
you know what I mean...

Trying to Make A Tough Decision

2010-03-16T08:42:00.000-07:00

Trying to make a difficult decision, so trying to list out the pros & cons here...

Pros of My Job
1) Makes my life more meaningful & purposeful.
2) I enjoy spending time with the children, teaching them.
3) I have a nice stable income every month.
4) I have collegues and friends.
5) I have job satisfaction.

Cons of My Job
1) Waking up at 5am daily.
2) Commuting 3.5hrs daily.
3) 7am to 5pm in school daily.
4) Feel tired and stressed daily.
5) Got lots of arrows.
6) Difficulty sleeping at night.
7) Lots of workshops to attend.
8) Tonnes of paper work to do, like work review...
9) Create havoc to my body.
10) No time and energy for hubby or anything else.

Pro of being a 'home affairs minister'
1) I can focus on achieving our new year's resolution.
2) I enjoy cooking and playing in the kitchen (researching, planning and preparing food).
3) I feel satisfied when Jerome enjoyed a tasty meal that I've prepared.
4) I get to spend time with Jerome.
5) I have more time for myself.
6) I can go on a holiday any time I like, esp. during off-peak periods.
7) I can pick up new skills like cake decoarting.
8) I can still teach free & easy (take up a few tuition kids)
9) I can try something new, like go volunteer/teach at Pre-school or international school :)
10) It's easier to book appointments during weekdays.

Cons of being a 'home affairs minister'
1) I'll lose my financial independence and have to depend on Jerome.
2) It's a waste that I do not contribute more to the society.
3) I might become 'huang lian po'?
4) I might lose touch of the society?
5) I will lose contact with friends and colleagues.

Hmm... Seems that this shouldn't be too difficult a decision to make...
But why am I hesitating?
It's a bad time to quit. But "noone is indispensible" and there's never a good time.

I always see myself as a teacher...
I take pride in that...

Can't imagine the next time someone ask me, "What do you do?"
A homemaker? A housewife?
It's strange to be jobless...

I still have not decided. Going to hang on first...

For What Do We Toil All Day?

2010-03-16T06:51:00.000-07:00

This post has been sitting in 'Drafts' for a few weeks now...

Attended an oral workshop a few weeks back and there was a statement that we had to read with expression- "For what do we toil all day?"

It had got me thinking throughout last few weeks... So for what do I toil all day?

I've been as busy as a bee ever since I got back in school. I've enjoyed my work, but I just wish I don't have to spend such long hours...

Waking up daily at 5am, just so I can leave home by 5.30am, taking 3 different buses so that I can reach school before 7am. In the evening, I leave school at about 5pm-6pm and spent about another 2 hrs commuting home. After dinner, I sat down in front of my laptop and started working again. However, regardless of the number of hours I out in daily, in school & out of school, I never seem to be able to complete my work... And worse, work gets piling up... There's always more... I'm tired, exhausted at the end of the day but I had problems sleeping. My mind was kept actively thinking about school & work...

So for what am I toiling all day?

For money? For worldly processions?

We have no debts, no loans to repay. So we're financial free.
We've enough savings... We're not rich but we're definitely living well within our means.

I don't do a lot of shopping... I'm a really 'low maintenance', not a big spender.
I can do without shopping for months. I don't go for branded goods.
I don't believe in spending hundreds and thousands of dollars on a bag.
I am happy carrying the same $30 bag to school the whole year.
I'm pleased with my 100 Thai Baht shoes, they're most comfortable and I've been wearing them ever since I've bought them during the Dec hols.

I'm satisfied with the $5 haircut I get from my neighbourhood hair saloon.
So I don't really spend a lot...

So what do I spend on? Where do my $ go to?
20% of my net monthly income does to my parents. They're retired and like to go travelling. I admired their sense of adventure when they took part in a 3-weeks 4 wheel drive holiday and drove all the way from Malaysia to Yunan in China back in 2006. Their latest plan is to take part in a 5-weeks 4-wheel drive trip all the way to Tibet! I hope that I can travel around the world with Jerome too!
10% goes to my various insurance plans.
30 % goes to various expenses like transport, food, miscellaneous expenses and donations.
Whatever is left are really my savings until I spend them during the holidays :P
I do manage to save quite a comfortable portion of my income every month as I don't shop as often as I know most of my friends do.
Conclusion: I don't need to work for $ since I don't really use much of them anyway.

So for what do I toil all day?
I do love my job! I get a great deal of satisfaction in what I do.
I love teaching the children and interacting with them.
I'm glad that I get paid for doing what I enjoy...
"Do something that you like and you wouldn't have work a day in your life."
Teaching is something that I love and school life has always been such a huge part of my life.
Teaching has made my life more meaningful and more purposeful...

But I must admit that I just don't have the drive that I used to have.
I'm tired... exhuasted... I start to question why...
The daily long commute is taking its toil...
I hate all the admin., paper work and all the redundant stuff.
I feel overwhelmed, exhausted and stressed.
I can't sleep well at night.
I could hardly find the time and energy for other things.
It's impossible to achieve a work-life balance.
I began to despair...

Jerome has thrown me a life-line...
Submit the letter and stay at home and be a 'domesticated' wife once again.
I can be home to cook him 3 meals for him daily.
I can have a few tuition kids to occupy my time.
I can attend cake decorating and cooking classes.
I can hit the gym regularly.

It's really such a tempting offer...
What should I do?
Do another irresponsible disappearing act again?
I realize that quitting takes a lot of courage...
Coming up with a decision is not as easy as I thought...

Our Dinner Was Stolen!

2010-03-01T05:17:00.000-08:00

Yes! Really! Our tingkat dinner was stolen right from our doorstep today. We returned home to find that our tingkat dishes were not hanging at the door as usual. The empty tingkat containers that my hubby hang out in the morning was also missing. We came up with the conclusion that someone had stolen our dinner...

Jerome was none too happy. Remember the saying "A hungry man is an angry man"? Anyway, I said, whoever that person is, he must be very very hungry, he might be starving with a huge family...

Anyway, Jerome decided to do away with tingkat dinner soon in the future. He decided he can prepare sandwiches for dinner. I can't say I'm pleased to hear that. Imagine bread in the morning and bread again in the evening?

I'm starting to forget that just over 2 months back, I was preparing 3 proper meals a day in the kitchen... taking time to prepare every meal and taking pride that Jerome's enjoying the food. Those days seem to be over... Now, dinner's delivered to our doorstep in tingkat, cold. Now, meals are eaten just for the energy/routine?... Eat to live, rather than live to eat...

Really... For what do we toil all day? What quality of life are we talking about?

According to Dalai Lama, the purpose of life is the pursuit of happiness...
What's really my purpose in life?

Finding Happiness

2010-02-26T18:37:00.000-08:00

According Dalai Lama, the purpose of life is the constant pursuit of happiness...

Finding Joy...

Sleepless Nights

2010-02-22T04:17:00.000-08:00

Been having problems sleeping at night... Mind just keep thinking about school, about work... How long can I carry on?

Yesterday, went to bed at 10pm, trying to sleep early as I need to wake up at 5am. Kept turning and tossing, mind keep thinking about school... After the turning & tossing and visiting the toilets for 3 times in the night, I wonder if I've got at least a 3 hr sleep in-between.

This is not good at all...

Well, in the spirit of life's good- things could be worse... I do have a nice bed with hubby next to me...
The only problem- I can't sleep...

1st Visit to KKH-Private Suite

2010-02-06T02:54:00.000-08:00

"New Year Resolution #1: Make a Baby!" my dear hubby said on 1st Jan.

Jerome had made an appointment to visit a fertility gynea last month. And this morning we had our first appointment with Dr K L at KKH at the Private Suite. Along our way to the PS at KKH, we walked passed many shops selling all kinds of babies and children products. When I saw the baby cribs, I found myself tearing up. Don't know when I can shop for one. And I can't help but think about my colleague in school who is blessed with another pregnancy. Another two are going for to deliver their babies soon. A few are on maternity and extended child-care leave. Everyone else seem to be having a baby or getting pregnant, except me... Why is it just difficult for me? What's wrong with me?

Our appointment was at 9am, but we only managed to see the doctor at 10am as she was held up at the IVF clinic. I certainly hope that we do not need to consider that path... A long wait outside at a huge and comfortable waiting area... Almost everyone has a huge or growing tummy. My tummy is growing but definitely not for the right reason. Could be the kueh lapis...

When we finally had our consultation, saw that the doctor was also pregnant herself. After some questions (how long have u been married? how long have u been actively trying? Any birth control before this? Menstrual Cycle? How often do we have ***? Have u done any body checkup before this? etc), I had a super quick Pap Smear and another examination where a probe was inserted. Apparently, images of my 'insides' could be seen on her monitor. Dr ended by saying, "Very good! No sign of fibroids or cysts." Great! So nothing unusual at the moment. So now what?

A hypothesis- I could be having ovulation problems. So I was prescribe 3 cycles of clomid pills to get my body to ovulate. 1 pill per day for AF cycle Day 2 to 6. We were told to BD every alternate days from Day 8 to Day 20. Day 21, return to hospital for a blood test to check whether the pills worked. Dosage to increase if necessary. Side effects include hot flushes, headaches and nauseousness, but are rare. The Dr has forgotten to mention premature menopause which I've read about.

Meanwhile, Jerome also had to arrange for an appointment in March to send his troops for analysis. He was told by the nurse when not to BD before collecting the sample.

For now, we'll just follow instructions then... just do as we're told... then we'll see... I hope the pills work its magic...

A Story About Sheer Determination or Obsession?

2010-02-06T02:02:00.000-08:00

Jerome told me about a story that he learned from a programme he watched on Channel News Asia a few days ago.

An Indian woman fell and injured herself on her way to the town centre as she had to climb a mountain along the way. Out of love for his wife, her husband decided to construct a tunnel through the mountain to make the journey a safer and shorter one. With just a chisel and a hammer, he began to dig a tunnel out of the mountain. Incredible? Impossible? Crazy? Even his family members thought that he was crazy. His wife helped him at first but eventually gave up and then passed away because of an illness. He continued his impossible mission and finally managed to dig a tunnel through the mountain. The feat took him 27 years. He was given the highest honour by the government for his incredible work. Engineers looked at the tunnel and said it's impossible to dig the tunnel without the use of modern machineries. But he did it. Out of sheer determination or obsession?

Found that there were 2 versions of the story I found on-line:
1) His wife injured herself while on her way to deliver food to him. A hospital was later built and named after his wife after he dug the tunnel. Story1
2) He dug the tunnel in honour of his dead wife who could not get to the hospital in time because of the mountain. story2

Apparently, inspired by this story, another Indian man also spent 14 years to dig through another tunnel in another mountain just so he can park his truck in front of his house!

Let no mountain stand in your way!

Back At Work

2010-01-19T06:57:00.000-08:00

After more than 6 months of a 'domesticated' life, playing in the kitchen and being a devoted wife, I'm back at work! Spending over half the day outside the house now. No more time and energy to prepare meals or sit down with Jerome for breakfast & lunch. We've just started ordering Tingkat meals (4 dishes) now for dinner.

When I reach home at around 7pm, dinner is all ready as Jerome cooked the rice. Jerome does most of the housework now too! It's good to be back at work, more fruitfully occupied! Just hope that I'll not be over-consumed by it. Life's good and it's going to get even better! :) I'm enjoying myself!

Jerome's Grandmother

2010-01-15T20:58:00.000-08:00

Jerome's grandmother passed away peacefully last Friday morning (8th Jan 2010) at the ripe old age of 105, leaving behind 3 sons, 14 grandchildren and 13 great-grand-children.

I have only met grandmother for a couple of times every year for special occasions like the Chinese New Year, birthdays, etc. An amazing woman from the stories that I've heard from Jerome, she had became senile in her old age. Alone, in her twenties, she came to Singapore from China with just $1 in her pocket. Surviving the long voyage was already a feat. Her husband passed away young and left her alone to support 3 young children. Her eldest son, my father-in-law was just 12 years old then. The family was so poor that he had to walk for hours to visit his principal and borrowed some money to give his father a burial. Regardless of the financial hardship, she insisted on giving her children a good education. Although her brother tried to persuade her to move to the city (Chinatown) to stay with his family, she continues to stay in the countryside (Lim Chu Kang). She believed that there were going to be too many distractions in the city and wanted her sons to stay in the countryside to stay focused on their education. Her efforts paid off as today all her grandchildren are graduates or graduates-to-be.

Her funeral was a grand 5 days affair, done in the traditional Chinese way with a lot of rituals. This was my first time to be personally involved in a funeral for a family member. My own paternal grandparents passed away when my father was still in his teens. And when my maternal grandparents passed away in Butterworth, it seemed that I couldn't take days off work to pay my final respects. It was never a good time to take leave. Hence, now I would always feel guilty if I have to attend other's funeral.

At first, I didn't want to miss my training and apply for leave. However, at the eleventh hour, I decided that I better apply for compassionate leave. I should help out at the funeral in whatever ways I could, that was the least I could do. Moreover, almost everyone in the family was going to be there. Only a couple of relatives who are overseas and can't return for one reason or the other were absent. It's really a show of final respect for the amazing woman. As Jerome said, all of us are her seeds. Without her, none of us would have existed.

Death brings people closer. We met relatives and friends that we've not seen for a while. We spent days together, shared stories about the dear old woman who had brought us together in the first place. The grand funeral is really a great show. As her sons put it, she should be proud and happy with her grand funeral. Of course, the younger generation, wonders about the rituals. We have little clue about the traditional practices and customs. But as a sign of respect, we just did as we were told. Folding and burning paper gold and silver ingots, believed to provide wealth for the dead in the afterlife. There were prayer sessions led by a monk on 1 night. On another night, a Taoist priest led some other rituals.

My 9 year-old niece pondered aloud "I wonder what my funeral is going to be like..."

(To be continued...)

What Really Matters

2010-01-13T05:51:00.000-08:00

"It doesn't matter what you are doing. What matters is you feel happy doing it."

Attitude makes all the difference...

The First Day of 2010

2009-12-31T18:16:00.000-08:00

Last evening, I was trying to come up with an entry for "The Last Day of 2009", reflecting on 2009. I had typed paragraphs and paragraphs to find myself deleting them... Maybe it's because I'm not proud of what I have done or not done & achieve...

In terms of my career, I have not finished strong, having the 2nd half of the year off. (http://www.simpletruths.tv/store/movies.php?movie=FSTR) I have disappointed and failed miserably with all the expectations. Even at home, I didn't manage to achieve anything much during my leave... It's like I've wasted 6 months doing nothing...

But reminding myself that life's good and that I should always look at the bright side of life...
I have had a good rest. I have a new hobby- I have enjoyed playing around in the kitchen, cooking up a storm, baking & decorating cakes. I have spend a lot of time with Jerome (almost 24X7).

Today is a new start- a new day, a new year! I must start with a positive note! 2010 will be a better year! A year of breakthroughs! This is my new promise... Let me not lose sight of what really matters, keeping my focus, keeping my eye on the goal, striking a balance.

Have a joyous 2010!
http://www.findingjoymovie.com/

5 Years of Marriage

2009-12-20T19:38:00.000-08:00

Jerome & I just celebrated our 5th year of marriage over the weekend. We had our ROM way back on 19 Dec 2004 and held our Chinese Customary Cum Wedding Dinner on 18 Dec 2006. So officially, we have been married for 5 years & known each other for slightly more than 6 years! Can't believe how time has passed! Usually, during this time of the year, we would have gone travelling overseas like an annual honeymoon to celebrate our anniversary. This year, due to my minor surgery, we had gone travelling a little earlier.

So we'e been together for over 6 years now and married and living together for 5 years. Jerome has definitely brought out the best in me and I hope that I've done the same for him. He has been a positive influence in my life, encouraging me to do whatever I like (well... most of the time). In the beginning of our relationship, I felt that he's like my father... :P He has more rules for me than my father (for that matter, my father didn't seem to set any rules). I didn't have a curfew until I met Jerome! He even 'disallow' me going to karaoke with my friends!

Jerome is a really social & vocal person, making friends easily. I'm usually the quiet one, taking some time to warm up. He was a businessman and got to meet many people. I'm a school teacher and my friends are quite limited to those I know in school. It's amazing sometimes to wonder how we ended up together in the first place... :)

Anyway, Jerome is my pillar of strength & I'm his sunshine :) To my dear husband, let's continue walking hand in hand to many more great years of love as we grow old together... Remembering our wedding wows... Love, comfort, honour and keep each other in sickness and in health and forsaking others, be faithful, so long as we both live...

Ah Q's Spirit- 阿Q精神

2009-12-14T20:24:00.000-08:00

Was feeling down for a couple of reasons. People deal with stress, negative thoughts & energies differently. Some people go for a run, a swim, meet with friends, have a beer, dance the night away, eat, shop, etc. Whenever I feel down, I try simply to think more optimistically and bake something. (Er... but that doesn't mean that I feel down whenever I bake. I just like to bake.)

I try to thinking more positively, simply telling myself to be contented as things could be worse, much worse. So things are really not as bad as they seem. It's not a big problem. It's no big deal. Life's not perfect, but it's still good! Think this is also the reason why I started this blog- to remind myself to stay contented as life's indeed good!

I had a surgery to remove my sinus tract infection on my cheek. I was worried about the scarring. Told myself at least it's not life threatening, not a tumour or something. I already had a scar before, I can cover it under some powder. It's not that bad. It's really not a big deal.

Have been trying to conceive for quite some time now, but with no results. It's okay, I am still enjoying life without children. We can travel freely. I would honestly rather be child-free than than have a child born with special needs. I salute parents with children born with special needs.

Was telling Jerome that although I seem 'bo chap' (not bothered) about certain situations, I have my own coping strategies that have helped me well. My strategy of 'staying positive' is what he referred as the "阿Q精神 (AH Q's Spirit)'. When you can't have it, just think positively to make yourself feel better -it's really self-delusion. (eg. When Jerome was young, he wanted to have a holiday. His mother said that he is fortunate enough to have left the country. There are many others who do not have a chance.) On the flip side, there's a danger of not progressing, since one is easily contented. To me, it's like a paradox, a balance has to be strike. If there's a situation that you really cannot change, then adopting the "Ah Q's Spirit' of thinking positively will definitely make life a lot easier & happier. It's definitely the path of least resistance. Why dwell in unhappiness if you can change your attitude and mindset a little and be happy instead?

Did a little research on the net & found the following about the Ah Q's Spirit:

Ah Q is a character in a novel written by Lu Xun. "The life Ah Q lives in his mind as opposed to his life which is reality, remind me of certain tendencies in my own life to spend a little mental power and beautifying an otherwise ugly outlook." According to the Wikipedia, the "spirit of Ah Q" (阿Q精神)(A Q jingshen) is now commonly used as a term of mockery to describe anybody who chooses not to face up to reality and deceives himself into believing he is successful or that he has unjustified beliefs of superiority over others.

Hmm... Do I have "Ah Q's Spirit"? Whatever it is, I'm just trying to think positively...

And remember Nick, the Australian guy born without arms & legs? If he can be happy, so can we!

I like what my sister said in her blog, "If you are unhappy, you are wasting time you could be happy instead. Rather be happy than unhappy."

Always Think of the Bright Side of Life by Monty Python
So dance like noone's watching...

"The truth is, there's no better time to be happy than right now.
If not now ... when?

Your life will always be filled with challenges.
It's best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway."

After all that's being said, you can always strive for the best!
Life's good and it can definitely be better!

It's good!

2009-12-14T18:59:00.000-08:00

A friend forwarded this through e-mail. It is good! It is good!
Whatever you have or don't, be contented...
Keep an open mind...

Bitten by The Travel Bug

2009-11-25T19:44:00.000-08:00

I must confess that I used to be addicted to travelling ever since I was bitten by the travel bug. I've always like to travel to other countries during the holidays ever since my first trip to Europe with my friends after my graduation in 1999. My parents allowed me to go on the trip provided we were going with a tour group, but not backpacking. Before that trip, the only other country that I visited was Malaysia. But then again, I am a Malaysian staying in Singapore. I am born in Butterworth, Malaysia, but have been staying in Singapore with my family as far as I could remember. When I was young, during the school holidays and the Chinese New Year, my family would always drive back to Malaysia to visit my grandparents and relatives.

The world is so huge and there is so much to see, do and explore. After my trip to Europe, I promised myself that I will go travelling to other countries at least twice a year- during the June & December holidays. A short 1-week trip in June and a longer 2-3weeks trip in December. I was able to keep that promise until I became 'attached' (as in having a boyfriend) and then getting married...

Anyway, I was trying hard to recall my travels so far and remembered that I used to have my own travel pages on Virtual Tourist (www.virtualtourist.com/sheryl_tan) that I have not visited in years. So went looking for it and was glad to find that everything's still there after all these years :) So this is another pro of sharing on-line. You'll not lose your photographs and data (at least that has not happen yet). You don't have to crack your brain to recall some locked up memories. So here's me writing about my travels again before I suffer more memory losses, become busy and come up with other excuses... Will write up more in detail regarding the trips and post some pictures next week :) This will serve like a Contents/ Summary Page.

Since 1999, (& glad that we have all survived the Millienium Bug)
The Travel Bug has taken me to ...

June 1999 - 21 days Europe (cities include Frankfurt, Lucerne, Innsbruck, Pisa, Florence, Rome, Vatican City, Venice, Barcelona, Monte Carlo, Nice, Paris, Brussels, Amsterdam & London) Getting a glimspe & getting hooked. Not enough time! So definitely will be back for more!
June 2000- 8 days Hong Kong & Shen Zhen (with Uni friends)
June 2001- 3 weeks in Melborne & Tasmania, Australia (with Jane and Pauline)
Dec 2001- 13 days in Spain & Portugal (with Hui Yi & Jennifer)
9-14 June 2002 (6 days) Hong Kong & Shenzhen (with family)
5-12 Dec 2002 (8 days) South Korea and Japan Disney Land (with Yili)
December 2003 Pulau Langkawi, Malaysia (1st trip with Jerome)
16-20 June 2004 BeiJing, China
Dec 2006- 2 weeks Switzerland & Italy (Honeymoon trip)
Between 2005 to 2008- short getaways to:
                                      - Bintan, Indonesia
                                      - Pulau Tioman, Malaysia
                                      - Malacca, Malaysia
                                      - Genting Highlands, Malaysia
                                      - Penang, Malaysia
                                      - Hat Yat, Thailand
Dec 2008- 5 days Hong Kong
June 2009- 5 days Perth, Australia
27Nov to 1Dec 2009- 5 days Bangkok, Thailand
17th to 20th July 2010- Phuket, Thailand
19th-27th Sept 2010- Zhangjiajie, China (with parents)
Dec 26 2010 - to Jan 2 2011 Penang & Hat Yai (with Jerome & parents)

* Clicking on the links will bring you to my travel pages on Virtual Tourist.

It's My Birthday!

2009-11-09T04:09:00.000-08:00

Hmm... How time flies... Another year is gone... I'm older by another year...

Have enjoyed these few months away from work...

Really hope to get another kind of promotion soon...

P/S Look at the pic of me as a kid, think my hairstyle hasn't change much after all these years :P

Guess I'm still very much a little girl :)

Fwd: The Divorce Papers

2009-10-29T02:34:00.000-07:00

FW: 那、那張離婚協議書……‏

嫁給這個男人五年了，我不知道我是否還愛他，記得剛新婚的時候，早晨時必定會在他懷抱中醒來，我總是紅著臉不敢說一聲早，怕嘴裡的口氣弄皺了他的眉，漱口杯與牙刷堅持要和他用同款不同色，擺在一起看才有夫妻的感覺。

我會幫他打點上班的衣物，什麼襯衫配什麼領帶，經過我的審美才准他穿上身。起了床到餐桌上，為了他的健康，我每天變換不同花樣的早餐，晴朗的天可能是培根蛋加上烤土司，有些下雨的話，或許來點小米粥搭醬瓜鹹蛋，要是陰天，不如就吃些外頭的燒餅油條和豆漿，招式用到我變不出新把戲，可是我樂此不疲。

除了當一個賢慧的妻子，我亦毫不掩飾對他的熱情，「我愛你」是每天恭送他出門上班一定說的話，然後附加一個親密的吻，即使他大多時候只是淺淺一笑，也足夠我高興個老半天。

但是，五年過去了。

我相信還不到癢的時候，可是到底是什麼改變了我和他的互動呢？

早晨起床，他的位置往往已空蕩，只能由皺褶的床單證實他確實存在過，即使他偶爾睡過了頭或者小賴一下床，也絕對是急急忙忙由床上跳起來，匆忙的梳洗著衣。

我已經快忘了被他擁抱迎接朝陽的感覺，盥洗室裡的漱口杯，在幾年前被打破後，再也找不到一模一樣的，而另一個也因為掉到馬桶裡，所以也換了新的。

五年內，牙刷已換了不知幾支，甚至有時我們睡迷糊了，還會用上同一支，什麼口氣的問題都不需要掩飾了，是否一樣顏色，一樣款式，他說這些根本不重要。

因此，洗手台上Hello Kitty和小叮噹圖樣，漱口杯左右對峙，小叮噹的杯裡插著一支綠色牙刷，是我的，Hello Kitty則是空的，因為他前一陣子已改用電動牙刷，擺在架子上。

分屬兩個不同故事的漱口杯，以及位於兩個不同位置的牙刷，彷彿在嘲諷我們的夫妻關係，漸行漸遠。

因為他出門的時間早，打點他的衣著已經不再是我的事，他自己會搞定。

早餐呢？很久沒有一起吃了，我同樣不必費盡心思去想菜單、查食譜，反正沒人賞光，更不用說「我愛你」這句話，還有熱情的早安吻，他無福消受，而且現在說起來也有些矯情了。

仔細想想，五年來，他沒有說過一次「我愛你」，一次也沒有。

我和他相聚的時間，嚴格上來說是從晚上七點開始，也就是他下班回來之後，如果他加班的話，那時間可能要延到十點、十一點。

剛結婚的時候，我為了他去學烹飪，「要抓住男人的心，先抓住他的胃」，我深信這個鐵律。所以，一些餐館名菜常出現在我們餐桌上，宮保雞丁、五更腸旺、蔥油雞、東坡肉……等。見他吃得高興，我也開懷，雖然不全是我愛吃的，但是他愛吃就好。

飯後，我們會依偎在沙發上看電視，我陪他看新聞，聽他評論國政、批判社情，他陪我看八點檔，聽我調侃劇情、大哭大笑。所以我知道行政院長、立法院長是什麼人，他也知道當紅的李世民是誰演的。

我沒有料到的是，五年的時間可以改變這一切，烹飪班我可以說是半途而廢，不知道從哪天起，他開始干涉我做菜的方法，宮保雞丁他不喜歡太多辣椒，五更腸旺他開始抵制，蔥油雞叫我別淋油，連滷東坡肉要放多少醬油，他都有話說。

我做的菜漸漸變得簡單，烹飪班也不想去了，有時候一盤炒青菜、貢丸湯和皮蛋豆腐就打發掉他，他反而沒什麼意見。

我想，我抓不住他的胃。

隨著他加班次數的增加，我們甚少在一起看電視了，除了現任總統是陳水扁，我對於國家大事可說一無所知，而他，問都不用問台灣霹靂火的男主角是誰他絕對不可能知道。

夫妻之間開始言不及義，他對我說的話，大多都是「不用等我」、「早點睡」，我跟他說的話，也幾乎是「你回來了」、「菜在電鍋熱著」。

我們沒有相同的話題，沒有相同的興趣，除了「夫妻」名義上的聯繫，我們的交流空泛的可憐，比普通朋友還不如。

多可笑的夫妻關係，不是嗎？

婚前，我們曾描繪著未來的願景，他說要生兩個孩子，先男後女，哥哥可以保護妹妹，我卻認為應該先享受一段兩人生活，生孩子的時情倒不急於一時，只是我不想壞了他的興致，並沒有說出口。

婚後一陣子，他很積極的和我「創造宇宙繼起之生命」，他想要孩子，從他不戴保險套的行為可以看得出來，可是我還不想要，又怕他不高興，於是我背著他吃避孕藥。

記得那時，他還興沖沖的帶我到醫院探視一名女性朋友，她剛生完一個四千兩百公克的巨嬰，神色萎糜的躺在病床上。我忘不了他隔著一塊玻璃看新生娃娃時，眼中綻放的神采，可是我更忘不了，那位女性朋友用著虛弱的語氣告訴我，她整整痛了一天一夜，才求醫生由自然產改為剖腹產，我更不敢生小孩了。

五年後的今天，他似乎已經放棄生小孩這回事，畢竟只有他一頭熱是沒用的。可是，待在他上班之後空洞的房子裡，我突然覺得生個孩子也不錯，至少屋子裡會熱鬧點，我的寂寞，也會少一點。

他早就在數年前就開始用保險套了，我不清楚是什麼讓他改變心意，不過這也鬆了我一口氣，我對避孕藥似乎過敏，不論換什麼牌子最後都落得一個水腫的下場。我猜他六百多度的近視加閃光，應該看不出我水腫前和水腫後有什不一樣，重點是他的保險套解決了我一個大麻煩，同時又帶來另一個新煩惱。

我現在想要一個孩子了，他卻似乎不想，我不知怎麼跟他開口，更別提他頻繁的加班，晚上常累得倒頭就睡，如果我再開這個口，似乎變相增加他的壓力。兩個人之間，已經夠低潮了，不需要再增加一個會引起衝突的話題。

在我們戀愛的時候，他很喜歡帶我到淡水，坐在河堤旁看落日，沿著碼頭走一遭，可以吃到不同口味的各式小吃，淡水的海產頗富盛名，他似乎是識途老馬，總知道哪家是最道地的。

有時候，他帶著我坐渡輪到對岸的八里，那裡熱鬧的只有一條路，賣的全是孔雀蛤，兩個人可以吃掉一大盤，還覺得意猶未盡。他也會和我騎雙人腳踏車沿著淡水老街騎到淡海，再由淡海騎回來，沿路的風景不算十分迷人，但有種質樸的味道，兼之海風鹹鹹的打在臉上，我很享受這種氣氛。當然，坐在腳踏車後座的我三天打漁兩天曬網，心情好的時候才踩兩下，他明知我偷懶，還是賣力的踩，我很懷念，真的即使過了五年，那段回憶仍然歷歷在目。

婚後到淡水的次數，除了新婚那一陣子，幾乎屈指可數，近兩、三年更是一次都沒去過。每到假日，他不到中午不會起床，我見他這麼疲倦，當然也不會煩他帶我到處走走。

假日照理說，我和他應該可以有些交集可是他累，我只能自己找事做，和在上班工作的朋友出門逛逛街，聊聊是非，也順便埋怨一下他。至於在家睡覺的他，午、晚飯，自己解決吧！

他不知道，在前幾個月，我耐不住無聊，自個兒坐捷運到了淡水。果然，太久沒有去了，那裡已經變成一個我完全不認識的地方，河堤旁的小吃攤不見了，全部集中在捷運站附近，過去我和他看夕陽的地方整修成一條長堤，僅供散步，路面變得乾淨整潔固然是好，但是收藏著我和他美好記憶的地方，消失了。

沒有他的帶路，我找不到道地的海產店，找不到好吃的小吃，自己一個人也騎不了雙人單車，但我驚訝的發現，淡水多了一個漁人碼頭，可以坐公車過去。漁人碼頭，他的腳步沒有踏上過，我先了他一步，這是沒有他，只有我的經驗。

到了漁人碼頭邊，風景美復美矣，卻有種人工雕砌的做作，我以為花了幾百元搭乘藍色公路可以到對岸八里，就像渡輪一般，但那失了古風的遊艇卻繞了一大圈後又開回原點。
除了顛簸的船身搖得我頭暈目眩，我記不起來什麼美麗的風景，連孔雀蛤也沒撈到一粒，淡水變了，我和他的回憶，也變了。

某個早上，我特地比他早起，煮了頓睽違已久的豐盛早餐給他。然後，沒有第三者，沒有爭吵．我遞出了離婚協議書。

那是我第一次看到他那麼震驚的表情，如果那天是愚人節，我想我成功了。可是，我不會開那般惡劣的玩笑，他知道我是認真的，他沒有像一般男人一樣，暴跳如雷，開始數落女方的罪狀，也沒有哭哭啼啼，跪下哀求我留下，他只是極力冷靜自己的心緒，默不吭聲的接下協議書，開門，上班，一如往常。

他或許也察覺我們的夫妻關係到了一個瓶頸，也打算仔細考慮離婚的可行性，他近幾年的疏離，我沒有流下一滴眼淚，可是他這天的冷漠，幾乎傾盡我五年的淚水。

我有些後悔，這後悔逐漸蔓延，以心臟為一個起點，通傳至我的頭頂及腳趾。但後悔又如何呢？不快刀斬亂麻，也只是拖著一個平淡如水的日子，兩個人乾耗。

我不知道自己對他的愛剩多少，更不清楚他對我的愛剩多少。

嫁給他之前，我就知道他沈默寡言，嫁給他之後，自以為能改變他的我，並沒有改變他多少。我的愛，還不足以改變他，他的愛，亦不足以為我改變，這大概是關鍵所在。柴米油鹽醬醋茶會摧毀愛情的甜蜜，我嚐到了，但這卻是用五年換來的教訓。趁現在，沒有孩子，沒有牽絆，我也不貪圖他什麼，該是離婚最好的時機吧！

抖著手在離婚協議書上簽下名的我，交給他之後他出去幾個小時了，我仍然在發抖，這是一種未知的惶恐，我等他給我一個結果。

他冷淡了我五年後，又凌遲了我七天。從離婚協議書交到他手上之後，整整一個星期，他不與我說一句話，也睡了七天的沙發，每天仍然照常上下班，除了更加冷淡，我感覺不到他的喜怒哀樂。那張協議書，就算扔到垃圾筒裡，還會有觸動垃圾袋的聲音，可是他，一點聲音也沒有，我懷疑他根本不當一回事，一段時間不理會我，只是在看我會不會自己忘了離婚這回事。

我受不了了，他到底要怎麼做呢？連離婚，也要離得這麼漠然嗎？

然而，七天之後的他，結結實實嚇了我一跳，一早，我聽到他在客廳起床的聲音，隔著門板聽不真切，我卻一直等不到他出去上班的關門聲。一陣乒乒乓乓的金屬撞擊，取代了他一向安安靜靜的作息，我終於按捺不住起身察看，卻在開門後，聞到了一陣食物的香氣。

「起床了嗎？吃點蛋捲。」他笑著，如新婚時我吻他之後那般淺笑。

我心裡狠狠跳了一下，原以為古井不波的情緒，因他久違的體貼，而起了絲絲漣漪。

他還是那麼輕易的，可以撩動我的心，我不清楚他怎麼可以混到九點、十點還不去上班，他接收到我的疑惑，也只是淡然一笑，身上簡單的服裝一點兒上班的氣息都沒有。可能他，也有工作疲乏吧！也可能他要宣判了，關於那張離婚協議書，看他神色自若的樣子，我默默吃著早餐，幻想著等一下他會說的話。

他會不會乾脆的就離婚了呢？還是在我面前撕了協議書呢？不可否認的，我的心，傾向後者。

「我升上經理了。」

他的第一句話，出乎我意料，下一句話，卻馬上進入重點，轟得我措手不及，

「工作上的事告一段落，現在要好好處理家裡的事。」

工作是排在家庭之前嗎？我苦笑。

「工作安頓好，我才能給妳安定的家。」他像在解釋我的疑惑。

「所以，告訴我為什麼要離婚呢？」他終於問了，臉色變得嚴肅。

他從來沒有用過這種質疑的口氣與我說話，望著他難得的厲色，我竟一句話也說不出來。

「妳覺得我冷淡妳了嗎？」

轉眼，他的態度忽而又變得自嘲，弄得我丈二金剛，「我就知道妳一個人在家老是胡思亂想。」

我和他長談了一整天，數個小時的談話，有五分之四的時間我是在哭的，因為我覺得自己犯了一個滔天大錯，可是有些事，沒有那張離婚協議書，我永遠不會知道。

他說，五年來，他確實每天都是抱著我醒來，只是後來他工作忙，起床時間變早，而我仍沈睡著，不知道罷了，有時他還會親親我的臉，看著我貪懶的睡顏，他不忍心叫醒我。

而擺在盥洗室的漱口杯，他根本搞不清楚小叮噹是他的或Hello Kitty才是他的，他以為粉紅色是女孩子的頻色，所以他一直用著小叮噹的嗽口杯。原來，我們一直在無形間，做著親密的唇齒交流，可憐了Hello Kitty，擺在那兒沒人用，成了個裝飾品。

早餐，他吃的都是7-11，他承認很想念我做的早餐，可是他不好意思要我每天做給他，他知道我會擠盡腦汁變花樣，他捨不得看我太累。

「我娶妳，是希望妳享福，不是要妳來當女傭的。」

從他這句話開始，我便止不住眼淚。

提到他的衣著，他更是笑我的傻，他看得出來我會為他添新衣服，按顏色花樣在櫃裡整整齊齊的分類擺放，而新婚時期我常幫他搭配，久了他也知道我的喜好，什麼領帶配什麼衣服，他是為我而穿。

至於熱情的早安吻，每天他早在我熟睡間給我了，我卻兀自鑽牛角尖，認為他不需要我的吻。

「你為什麼從不說你愛我呢？」我噙著淚水問他。

「我以為妳知道，否則我們為什麼結婚呢？」

他理所當然回答。

是啊！我知道，我一直都知道，不然我不會嫁給他的，可是既然知道，我又何必強求他說出來呢？

女人都是需要一些愛語滋潤的，我想這就是理由，看著我控訴的眼光，我想他也知道理由了。

「妳做的大菜，很好吃可是那些菜費工夫，也不全是妳喜歡的，所以我寧可妳做些簡單的菜，最好是妳也喜歡吃。」

他一句一句的解釋，又讓我掉了一缸淚水，「妳不喜歡吃辣，因此我要妳少放辣椒，妳不吃內臟，那我也不吃，妳怕胖，所以料理時我希望油加少一點，醬油鹽份高，吃多腎臟負擔大，為了妳我健康著想，調味即可，不必加太多。」

只要是我煮的，他都喜歡，想想每次準備食物給他，他沒有一次不是吃光的，到底為什麼我會覺得抓不住他的胃呢？

所以，我也抓住了他的心嗎？

另一件令我驚訝的事，他真的知道台灣霹靂火的男主角是誰，即使猜得不完全正確。

「是劉文聰嗎？還是那個李正賢呢？晚上在公司加班，同事都會開電視來看，所以我多少也知道一點。」他撫去我臉上淚痕，笑問：「妳也在看嗎？」

「嗯。」我又想哭了，我真是小覷了那個節目的收視率。

「當上經理之後會比較少加班，那我們就一起看。」

他說得輕鬆，我卻鼻頭一陣酸楚。我在意的，其實不是看什麼節目，管他行政院長、立法院長是誰，沒有他在身邊，看什麼都索然無味。

我發現，只要願意，兩個人什麼事都可以談，連我跟他解釋台灣霹靂火的劇情，一路聊到整容話題，他也聽得津津有味。

是我，是我封閉了自己，以為他不願意聽我說話、不願意對我說話。

他心疼我一個人在家裡，聊公司裡的事怕悶壞我，又見我一副不想搭理他的樣子，他每天只能摸摸一鼻子的灰。

無論他跟我說什麼，我都是愛聽的，可是我現在才讓他知道，夫妻兩浪費了幾年的時間在這種誤解之間打轉，他活該，我也活該。

「我很少看新聞，都不知道國家最近發生了什麼事。」我這句話出口得有些抱怨。

「好，我以後每天當妳的新聞台。」他溫柔的笑了。

聊到生孩子的事，他先是一陣默然。

「我想生一個孩子。」這時候，我有勇氣說出口了。

「我以為妳不想，剛結婚那一陣子，妳不是一直吃避孕藥嗎？」難得聽到他有些怪罪的語氣。

進一步了解之後，我才發現，他一直知道我在吃藥，或許是我哪次把藥隨便擱在化粧台上，被他看到了，他徹底了解我不想要孩子。而他也知道，我吃完藥隔天會有水腫的現象，身子骨纖細的我，一雙腳腫得跟象腿一樣，也只有我這種人的鴕鳥心態，才會認為他不會發現。後來我養成習慣將藥好好放在抽屜中，他以為我不再吃，怕身子水腫難受，所以他戴起保險套，說來說去，還是為了我。

「妳又水腫了嗎？一直哭個不停，是想把身體裡的水逼出來嗎？」他居然敢揶揄我，免不了得到我飽以老拳。

他還是想要孩子的，聽完我說想生孩子，他眼下興奮的光芒大大的告訴我這一點。只不過，那抹光芒在閃爍之後隨即斂去，他又正襟危坐的問了我一個問題。

「妳真的想生嗎？」

「想啊！我一個人在家好無聊。」

「只是因為無聊嗎？如果一個人在家無聊，妳想出去學東西、去工作、和朋友去逛街，我不會阻撓妳。」

「你不是也想嗎？」我生氣了，縱然淚眼婆娑沒什麼說服力。

他開始說起那個四千兩百公克的巨嬰，原來那名女性朋友的經驗不僅嚇到我，也嚇到他了。他不希望我生孩子還要受極大的痛苦，什麼剖腹產、自然產，他一點概念也沒有，只知道一定會很痛，他明白我怕痛，所以他捨棄了生孩子的想法。

「我不管，我要生。」明瞭了他的想法後，我更希望替他生一個孩子，身體裡流著我和他血液的孩子。

「那就生吧！」他悄悄的在我耳邊說了一句令我臉紅的話。

「你這麼有精力，不是上班很累嗎？」我狐疑他話裡的真實性。

經他解釋，我才恍然大悟，就算工作累，他偶爾也有慾望，有時晚上摟著我，又看我睡得香甜，這種看得到吃不到的痛苦，他只能鬱鬱的悶在自己心裡，面對他的心意，我，真的無言了。

在我像兩顆水蜜桃的雙眼略為消腫後，他催我換衣服，帶我出門。已經好久沒和他一起出遊了，在兩人間的冷淡破冰後，坐在他身邊竟也給我當初戀愛的感覺。我凝望著他專心駕駛的側臉，將他的動作姿態深深刻在心裡，因為我差點忘了，我和他之間還橫著一個問題，那張離婚協議書。

我要一輩子記住他的模樣，如果他最後仍是簽了名，可是，他應該不會簽吧！否則，他何必和我討論生孩子的事。

「到了。」他停車，我也隨之下車。

海風迎面吹來，是淡水。他也記得這個地方，這個我們記憶珍藏的地方。

「我一直想帶妳來，可是妳假日都和朋友出門，我只好蒙著棉被在家睡覺。」他如此說道。

這是個什麼烏龍呢？

我體諒他工作累，他體諒我和朋友出門，就這樣我們錯過了，一次又一次的相伴。

「你以後想幹什麼，可以直接說。」我惱火的盯著他。

「妳也是。」他正經八百的回視我，言下之意是要我別五十步笑百步。

說來也好笑，我們一直認為自己是在為對方著想，以自己的方式去體貼對方，這種自以為是卻導致了無數個陰錯陽差，一直到我開始懷疑自己不愛他，他也不愛我了，才驚覺這份愛並不是消逝，而是溶入了生活之中，自然的讓人忘了它的存在。

愛情的表現，可以是黏膩、親熱、奉獻、祝福，甚至是退讓，每個人的方式不同，會導致的結果各異。

我的方式是盲目的付出，他的方式是全然的關懷，乍看之下兩個人都沒錯，可是無論什麼方式，中間少了一種叫「溝通」的元素，就容易導致裂痕。

我們的婚姻，就是建築在這種缺乏溝通的空中樓閣之上，嫁給這個男人五年了，我以為我漸漸的不愛他，但只是一番簡單的剖白心意，我對他所有的愛再度復活，甚而轉濃。

女人會因男人長久的冷落而對愛情失望，也可以因男人一句話又對愛情充滿希望，

我不想和他離婚，一點兒也不想，當初硬著頭皮簽下名，或許只是賭氣，只是要他正眼看看我。

可是 ……

「那、那張離婚協議書……。」我要收回來。

「在公司裡。」他好整以暇，「公司的碎紙機裡。」

這個意思是… …？

「妳想離婚，等我成為亡夫時再說吧！」

我估量不出他說這句話，是不是在開玩笑，不過他又騙到我的淚水。

他真的很愛我，即使他沒有說過，我想如果我堅持離婚，他會放我走的，他捨不得見我難過，就像他見我掉淚又趕快摟住我一樣。

倘若，是他想離婚呢？

恕我自私，我是堅決不會放的，除非等我變成亡妻，同樣因為他捨不得見我難過，我自信可以留住他。

「淡水整個都變了，我都快不認識了。」

哄完了我，他連忙帶開話題。

「我來過，我知道有什麼景點。」

「那這次就要靠妳帶路囉！」

是啊！我們可以開創新的回憶，只要有我也有他，什麼時間地點都不成問題。

結婚五年，我又發現了一次愛情。

完*

Some learning points from the story:

1) Men are indeed from Mars, speaking a different language...
2) Open communication is vital.

Simple Pleasures @ Ritz Carlton

2009-10-20T22:12:00.000-07:00

Met up with some friends for a Christmas Tea-Appreciation Class yesterday afternoon. Yes, Christmas is early. Maybe it's the infamous Singapore Kiasu Syndrome at work here. We were at Ritz Carlton where a German guy talked about Tea from China. Interesting. We sampled different kinds of teas and enjoyed the special Christmas pastries. Just look at the pictures and see for yourself. They look too pretty to be eaten!

Jerome's 36th Birthday

2009-10-14T18:47:00.000-07:00

Had wanted to celebrate Jerome's birthday by getting his parents & brother's family over for dinner last weekend. Jerome didn't want to, but his parents did come over for dinner on saturday evening & stayed overnight.

So we had a little celebration on own own last evening. I prepared steaks (my 1st attempt, so that's a special meal :P) & made a durain cake for him. I'm glad that he loved his durain cake :)

Happy 36th Birthday!

Jerome was the one who started cooking for me when we were dating. Remembered we were together for less than 1 month when he cooked a proper meal (3 dishes & 1 soup) to celebrate my birthday at his place. He was staying on his own then, so cooking became a survival skill for him. I was so touched & impressed. I also felt ashamed that I can't cook. So I decided then that I should start picking up my cooking skills.

Jerome is actually quite easy to please. He can be satisfied & happy with a simple meal of porridge & canned food. He's been my pillar of strength & I'm really blessed to have found him or found by him :) He's my darling, my husband, my boyfriend, my lover, my husband, my best friend, my teacher, my banker, my boss, my man, my food taster, my handyman, my driver, my encourager, my shoulder to cry on, my everything ...

He's so many things to me... He brought out the best in me...

And he's really the main reason why...

Life's good!

Mum's Birthday...

2009-09-27T18:25:00.000-07:00

Baba, Mama & Birthday Cake...

It was a crazy Sunday, was busy almost the entire day preparing for Mum's birthday.
Baked the cake on Saturday morning and decorated it on Sunday morning. Think it's the most beautiful cake I've created so far :) Actually, this is only the 2nd birthday cake that I've attempted. The 1st one was for my sister, SY, whose birthday was a fortnight ago.

Been quite some time since we have people over for dinner, so spent a bit of time cleaning up the house...

Spent over 2hrs preparing dinner at the kitchen for 5 dishes & a soup with a lot of help from hubby who helped with most of the washing up. He questioned why none of my sisters suggested coming over to help... I said it's okay, if they want to help, they'll ask. If not, it's okay. I'm manage... but of course with his help :)

Finally, with everything cooked, & no major accidents, everyone was full of praises for the meal that I've prepared. Mum & dad were clearly impressed. Dad was telling everyone that I never used to cook, but now I've made a lot of improvements.

When I brought out the birthday cake, everyone was further impressed...
My youngest sis, SL: You made this??? It look better than those sold outside...
Mum was almost grinning and it's apparent that she's very pleased with her birthday cake :)

After dinner, fruits & cake, we sat in front of the TV, drank tea & watched F1. A great evening spent with the family....

Perfect Lunch...

2009-09-25T06:20:00.000-07:00

Hb had a craving for fried chicken, so I prepare Nasi Lemak for lunch. I gave him a bigger portion... He had 4 fried chicken mid wings, 1 had 3. I think I must have overcooked the chicken wings a little. Anyway, as usual, I waited for him to take the first bite & waited for his 'appraisal'.

After taking the first bite of his chicken wing, it was apparent he liked it. He had all kinds of expressions, just trying to prove his point. He thinks he's on a show promoting food :) Of course, he stole another wing from me so that he could have 5, leaving me with 2. After I finished my 2 wings, he moved his plate to the other corner of the table & eyed me suspiciously, afraid that I might 'steal' back my wing.

And just to play safe, like a dog, he has marked his property... He took up the wing & licked it, just so that I will find it disgusting enough and so not want the wing. Man! How childish can u get? He's just being silly :)

Finally, after cleaning up the plate, short of licking it clean, he thanked me...

HB: Fantastic! Thank You! Very Good! But tomorrow, I need something light for lunch. Bee hoon soup is good.

Me: But tomorrow is Saturday, my off day leh! I'm on 5-days work week!

Lol :) The weekend is here!

Perfection is Subjective...

2009-09-25T04:40:00.000-07:00

Perfect- adj., without faults or defects...

Nobody is perfect. I'm not perfect. Life is not perfect.

Once you can accept the fact,

it's easier to accept people as they are.

It's easier to accept yourself for being who you are.

Don't have to envy others for what they have, how they look, how they live...

The same person you envy could be envying your life too...

Look at all that u have. Be contented.

Love yourself more.

A New Day! A New Beginning!

2009-09-23T19:24:00.000-07:00

It's a beautiful day! A new day! To explore & learn & do something new! It's totally yours to decide how to spend it meaningfully. It's exciting! When was the last time you did something for the first time? I'm going to have an adventure today! :)

Laughter is the Best Medicine

2009-09-18T06:04:00.000-07:00

Yap, we've heard this often enough. "Laughter is the best medicine." Research has also shown it has positive effects on our health. Laughing clubs/events are held so that people can just laugh out loud. So when was the last time you laugh out loud?

I'm glad my hubby always manages to make me laugh everyday. Yap, everyday. Is it normal? Or is it just us? He's always up to some mischief, behaving just like a little kid, but he never fails to make me laugh. I think our neighbours must have thought that we are crazy, always laughing :P

So is it normal? Laughing everyday? I've forgotten what it was like not to be laughing away...

Be Happy by Bossini

2009-09-17T23:46:00.000-07:00

Was on my way home after marketing this morning when I walked by Bossini & saw that they're having "Happy Prices" for their Polo-Ts. So got myself a few "Happy" items :)

Campbell's glass bowl & Be Happy Spoon :)

My soup will surely taste even better in this bowl. Mmm... Yummy!

Happy soup by happy chef, in a happy bowl with a happy spoon :)))

And the man who eats from it must also be a happy man :)

Uplifting T-shirts working like Magic to make the World a Better Place...

"Heal the world, make it a better place, for you & for me & the entire human race..."

The Amazing Human Spirit- Nick Vujicic

2009-09-16T18:32:00.000-07:00

It takes that little 'extra' for anyone to be 'extraordinary'. Some people have that very much extra that make them really extraordinary. We can look at these people who can really inspire us in our own lives. Nick Vujicic is one such man.

When you fall, how do you get up on your feet again? But how can we do it without the aid of our limbs? A lot of the things and routines that we do daily, like walking, brushing our teeth, etc, we take them for granted. Imagine a life without the use of your limbs... How do you get around? How to answer the telephone? Swiming? Fishing? Eating? Seems mission impossible without using any of our limbs?

Nick Vujicic is born without any limbs. Nick Vujicic can do whatever we can! In fact, he has accomplished more! He didn't have a miracle & suddenly grow new limbs. He is the miracle! He's able to overcome his physical challenges & do a lot of these physical things that may seem impossible for a guy without limbs. And he has gone even further to be a motivational speaker & touch the lives of people around the world who have met him. Meet him today & see for yourself.

"Be inspired. Be challenged. To be more than you can be in life."
Life's not perfect, but it's still good!

Nick's official Website: http://www.lifewithoutlimbs.org/

You-Tube Videos:

"No Arms, No Legs, No Worries" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BnT9vIX048E&feature=related

If he can do it, so can us. If he can be happy, why can't you?

It's All About Timing...

2009-09-15T21:53:00.000-07:00

This morning after doing my marketing, I stopped by Watson & finally got myself a box of pregnancy test kit. My menses is very late & have been keeping my fingers crossed, hoping for some good news. Came home & realized that I didn't need to use the kit at all... My hopes are crushed... again...

My DH comforted me, saying that it's okay, at least he still has my undivided attention. He's still going to be my big baby. Life's still good.

Well, at least I didn't have to waste a test kit again. The last time, tested negative & menses came the next day.

Life's not perfect, but it's still good. Will make some butter cookies later. If I can't make a bb now, I can still make some cookies :)

Dance Like Noone's Watching

2009-09-14T22:47:00.000-07:00

We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another.
Then we are frustrated that the kids aren't old enough and we'll be more content when they are.
After that we're frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with.
We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage.
We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our spouse gets his or her act together, when we get a nicer car, are able to go on a nice vacation, when we retire.

The truth is, there's no better time to be happy than right now.
If not now ... when?

Your life will always be filled with challenges.
It's best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway.

One of my favorite quotes comes from Alfred D Souza ...
"For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin.
But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid.
Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.
"This perspective has helped me to see that there is no way to happiness.
Happiness is the way.
So, treasure every moment that you have.
And treasure it more because you shared it with someone special,
special enough to spend your time ...
and remember that time waits for no one ...

So stop waiting...
until you finish school ...
until you go back to school ...
until you lose ten pounds ...
until you gain ten pounds ...
until you have kids ...
until your kids leave the house ...
until you start work ...
until you retire ...
until you get married ...
until you get divorced ...
until Friday night ...
until Sunday morning ...
until you get a new car or home ...
until your car or home is paid off ...
until the first or fifteenth ...
until your song comes on ...
until you've had a drink ...
until you've sobered up ...
until you die ...
until you are born again...
to decide that there is no better time than right now to be happy ...
Happiness is a journey ... not a destination!!

Author: Crystal Boyd, 1998
In the book "Midnight Muse"

Thought for the day:
"Work like you don't need money,
Love like you've never been hurt,
And dance like no one's watching."

An old Irish Proverb

The Miracle of Life

2009-09-14T00:35:00.000-07:00

Yes, we're all born champions! We are all lucky winners! The fastest or luckiest sperm with the perfect timing fertilizes the ovum & hence the miracle of a new life. The fertilization process takes less than an 1hr.

The probability of getting pregant for a married couple within a year is only 20%. Even after that, it's not the end of the story. Miscarriages can often happen in the 1st trimester. There are always other risks link to the pregnancy. But to cut the whole story short, what I'm trying to say is that against all odds, we're borned.

Don't take life for granted! Celebrate life! Spend it wisely the way you deem fit cos it's your life. Life's too short & precious to be wasted on feeling unhappy. So be happy everyday! :)

For everyone, be thankful that u're born & be filial to your parents. Don't let your parents worry too much about you cos they will always do...

For parents with children, spend quality time with your children.
Give your children a chance to enjoy life as a child & teach them well.
Why wait for the teachers to discipline your child? It's your child, not theirs.

An infertile couple wishes for a child.
Parents with a handicapped child hopes that their child is born normal.
Some may even regret having the child...
The parents with a normal child hopes that their child excels in this & that.
& the story goes on...
U get the idea?

If you have it, life's good!
If you don't have it, life's also good!
Be happy with what you have or don't :)

About Being Contented

2009-09-13T23:28:00.001-07:00

It's about being happy with whatever you have...
It's about making the best out of whatever you have.

A man born without legs hopes for a pair of legs.
The man without shoes hopes for a pair of slippers.
The man wearing a pair of slippers hopes for a pair of nice shoes.
The woman with a pair of shoes hopes for more pairs of shoes.
Then of course, there's one who goes on to owning over 6000 pairs of shoes...
Even if she wears a different pair everyday, it'll take her 16 years to wear all of them at least once!

Yes, we women all know about this. Just look at the pairs of shoes we have outside the house, in the shoe cabinet, under the bed, some still with price tags... This used to be me, but not anymore... I'm happy with what I have. I buy new shoes if I NEED them.

The shoe analogy is just one. We're always looking for more, better & latest...

The homeless man looks for a shelter.
The man with a shelter wants a home.
The man who lives in a 3-room flat wants a bigger flat.
The one who lives in an executive flats want to upgrade to a condominium.
The one who live in a condominium wants a penthouse/ landed bangalow...
When u're there, what do you want then?

Just like the games in Facebook. You work, you earn, you expand. You work harder, you earn more, you expand bigger. So when does it end? When will you be truly happy?

So what after u've got them? I wonder... cos it simply makes us happy in different way, making us feel contented for a little while & then we go in search for the next contentment level...
It seems like we're in a constant search of contentment & happiness... So life is a constant search about contentment & happiness?

For now, I'm happy with my simple homemaker's life...
Experimenting in my kitchen, blogging & playing games on FB :P, & with my DH 24-7 :)
Contented with life ... Of course, I seek to cook more dishes & bake better...
There's always still something to look forward to...
Boring Life? Well, it's just me & I'm happy :)

Birth of Blog "Life's Good"

2009-09-13T23:06:00.000-07:00

Have been thinking of creating a new blog (other than blogging about food :P) for the past few weeks. Just want another space to voice my thoughts & experiences. Life's been good & I really want to count my blessings. It's about the simple pleasures, life in general & about not taking things for granted.

http://www.rainbowcomesaftertherain.blogspot.com/
Yes, if you want the beautiful rainbow, you need to put up with the rain. In the first place, the rain is not a bad thing. It norishes & give life. And after the rain, there's a beautiful rainbow.
Likewise in life, we often face challenges & difficulties, life's not totally smooth-sailing. These make life all the more interesting and we grow from all these challenges.

The following are my basic beliefs:
"If you want the rainbow, you need to put up with the rain..."
"When a door closes, another door will open..." Just look for another better door!
"What doesn't kill you will make you stronger..."
"There's a time and place for everything..."
"It could be worse!"
"It could be a bessing in disguise..."
"Smile & be happy..." A smile is free & it lights up the face!
"Stay positive!"